Believing.

I found myself wide awake in the early hours of Friday morning.  A day I love so much, and yet I could hear dew drops falling before the city streets woke for a final day of the week.  I began fielding for calm. For prayer.  I dwell on things I have no control of, and yet I do.  At two in the morning I don't.  

My heart hurting from the violation of thievery against my son.  Someone breaking into a car he just finally paid off.  Working and saving and doing what a normal man at the age of 29 should do and not feeling well.  Each day he forges through. 

I've always been his biggest fan, and will go to ashes this way. 

When this monster broke into his car, prying the door open, digging through every single crevice of his car.  Taking everything out of his glove compartment.  His prescription glasses, new sunglasses (last pair was stolen from the Uber car they rode in-he's super forgetful #chemobrain), his wallet he's had for years that carried a gift card Bill bought him months before he got sick from West Marine-(why he hadn't used it, not sure-but this was the stinger for him, and pissed him off the most)- 

They gathered things from his car that really won't have value to them, but more of an inconvenience to another soul. 

Violations.

I prayed so hard. To fall back to sleep in peace.  To let go of painful things.  To let things go I have no control of.

He'll go through the process of replacing the things he worked for.  He's one to move forward pretty quick.  He shrugs it off as "oh well mom, probably some tweaker"- Meanwhile, I'm over here, like "motherfucker should pay" HA! Sorry 

Is it with age we tend to hoard pain, and violations?  It seems you get to a point in your life of mothering, working, loving, and doing for others that when things go sideways I tend to take more offense.  

Does it ease up later in life?  Do you ever look at elderly wonder how they remain so calm?

I had a sweet customer a few weeks ago come back and hand deliver flowers to me. 

Not a common gesture, this day and age. 

He stood chattin' with me for a bit.  One of the things that I will hold close for a long time...

He said "try not to worry about things...put it in your pocket til' tomorrow"-

Easier said than done.

The point of this story is with as much grief as we continue to suffer with, shall we hand it to a higher power?

Do I continue to wake each night in the most quietness time of day for the sake of sorting?

Praying for my babies. 

Praying for my lover.

Praying for peace and love between family.

I look around at other families and wonder about their stories.
Do they have it more together?
Should I not dwell as much?
Do I let the higher power take over and take care of him/them?

Families.

Just like a ragged coastline, they have flaws. 

We all do.

Broken and craggy.

Disgusted in humanity, and yet totally in awe with it.

We need one another.

We do.

One thing I know for sure is the word FAITH will pull us through.

Give it a try.

Mmmk Lisa?  Mmmk Lisa.

Faith.

Hope.

May you have a beautiful weekend...doing what you want to do.  Even if it's staying in your jammies all day.

Saturday....A story of its own.

Just enjoy it.

As for me and my soul, I'll cook.

Any recipes worth sharing?

Send it. 

Love,

This Protective Mama Lisa