Peace & Love: When You Wake From A Dream

I'm not sure what triggered me to have such a vivid dream last night. But it was one of those dreams that you are woken from. It was 1am.

I was on a playground watching Kris swing from the bars, from one to the next. It was so clear. He had his little bowl hair cut. Shiny from the sun kissed highlights. He was asking me to "watch" over and over. His little legs working so hard to push his momentum back and forth. The dream was so so clear. This particular mommy-me class we took will forever be indebted in my heart. I was so young, and had met some of the nicest mommies from all over Bellflower. These moms would include me with ideas, cooking, crafting, and of course the task of raising a toddler. Kris would love the graham cracker snack breaks but his biggest love was that playground. In last nights dream I could smell the grass, I could hear his little chuckle so clear as I made my way around to attend to the little ones. Don't you wonder where dreams come from? Good and bad, how do our dreams stash into the corners of our brains....

I woke from the dream and sorted again. Just as I always do. Only this time I added prayer in the mix.

I tried to find some preschool pictures of my baby in digital, but no-can-do.....

And so....you get the picture...right?

One day you're sitting track side cheering on.....the next you navigate through chapters you'd never expect....

One of her favorite past times in Camp Fire Girls, "Caroling"- (not sure if any of you are aware, but Kali can sing....super good!)

Don't blink.....

One of the 4 times she wore a cast..... #tomboy

Toothless, smelly, busy boy fishing with his papa and dad.

Kali and her bestfriends made this diary. One they promised to hide in strict confidentiality. It lasted a month. I still have this book. Its contents are "maid of honor" speech worthy for one day....Oh Mac Dut and Maddie you just wait....

Realizing my hormones will rear their silly heads the next couple of weeks, I can only expect more nights of wrestling with my sheets. I also currently wrestle 4 pillows. You guys, I know, I'm nuts.

It truly floored me to think just how fast time flies by. I stare intently at acquaintances through social media as they raise their babies. Friends of Kris' now raising their own little tribe. Staring at the face of the newborn, toddler and tween. Thoughts flood my heart as I think.....man, what a life ahead. The chapter pages that will fill up. The good moments. Learning. Thriving.

When the nights of trying to figure out a nursing schedule, or blistered boobs as we'd try to get a schedule. It too blends into a faded memory. It won't be until later in your life that you will look back and so perfectly remember those sleepless red eyed mornings. The milky smell of their little necks. Changing their bedding because what a night you just had.

Those nights turn into elementary days when the thought of meeting a new teacher overwhelms the entire house. The mean friend on the playground that everyone wants to be friends with, and yet you prepare dinner and think to yourself "don't follow that path, you can make other friends", but the pressure of peer-hood naturally saturates them.

Highschool comes and love falls into the mix. You'd all fall in love with whomever they fell in love with.

The many sports victories would shine each evening or afternoon if it was a win. If it wasn't, well the ride home was a quiet one. Closing up for the night was a tad more pickled. The son that had tons of friends. Those said friends would line your porch and couch, sometimes alarming nosey neighbors.

It isn't until now where I wake from a dream, laying there in the wee hours of the next day where I am flooded with where those chapters went. Was I a good mom? Did I provide the way I was supposed to? I should have made them work harder in certain areas. Should I have made them serve the community more? Should I, should I, should I ......

I feel a healing in my soul just a tad bit more this month. Each month I stare at the calendar for the 13th. Reminder of another month we can mark off. He's alive.

That little toddler that I watched over and over. The little toddler that I watched last night in my dream. It was so so real. The little blue shorts, and his white tshirt. He was my everything, as I was his.

Life has a funny way of bringing dreams to you. For me, I'd like to believe it's a good sign.

To you friends and family raising little ones, remember one thing. Today is a moment. You can't get it back.

Put your phone down. Smell their freshly washed hair. Hug their little bodies. Bite your lip in the tween stage, and just keep encouraging them. One day you might wake from a dream and these days in front of you are a far distant memory.