The Difference In A Year

I can remember this day like it was yesterday.  That grilled cheese you really didn't want but after just returning from the amazing City Of Hope, you weighed in at 121.  The look in your quiet face all the way home was sheer exhaustion.  The beginning of the steroid tapering would begin.  The only thing left on your beautiful face was some eyelashes, and some brows. You wore this thermal day in and day out because of its simplicity to access your picc line.  You would listen to every word I said, even on your most weakest day.  If I said lets walk, you'd walk. I can remember going around the block one afternoon we high fived in that success.  You loved anything pickled.  You really didn't want Hannah on your lap this day, but you'd never resist any living thing on, or near you.  You'd smile ear to ear when Jen pulled up.  Sometimes searching out the window if you thought you'd hear her car.  You'd need help to shower with the ever so amazing "Press-n-Seal" saran wrap. You'd like that saran wrap just perfect around with the tape not too far over pulling at your skin.  Jen would be the best at this job, you'd let me know.  I could hear the two of you in there sometimes and I'd stare off into the distance of her bold strong love for you.  Fighting through those tough days with the man she fell head over heels in love with.  Fighting a fight. Becoming a pro with saran wrap. Go figure.  I can remember the sunshine on this day.  How the birds chirped and the energy of my soul bustling around the house off pure adrenaline.  The blossoms of trees and flowers showing signs of spring.  I can remember this day like it was yesterday.  How that one volunteer "Dave" at check-in for labs was always, always....always...so kind to you.  To me.  His ever so kind spirit..."how's today treatin' you Kris"- Never wavering from that kind spirit.  Volunteering his love.

Kris, every time I sneak back into our archives of this chapter I keep reminding myself that God has pulled us through some of the darkest days. Even when I feel so alone, or so scared. He was there.  For you.  For me. For Jen.  For all of us.  

Not sure how we got this far, other than faith.  Not sure how anyone in this fight gets through. You just do.  Same thing I want to say to people that ask me how I've become so knowledgeable in this campaign to help my son.  I'm not too sure myself.  Aside from he's a part of my flesh. Of me. Of my blood, and of my milk.  He's who I was intended to nurture and love.  You look so good Kris.  You continue to push through. Even on the darkest days, some way, and some how you do.  

One year looks good on you son.  I hope to celebrate many many more with you. 

Happy 13 months.  Thirteen months, on the thirteen day.  

With all of me, I love you, 

Mama