No right reason to taint this beautiful holiday, while many celebrate the birth of sweet goodness.
It's just my personal battle with December.
For some reason, things cut deeper. Instead of sweeter.
Tears fall easy, with out reason.
Tension and insecurities get the best of me, unlike I've ever been before.
A fake smile and demeanor takes a whole new meaning in my life during the month of December..
For those that truly know me, will say...she's the happy one.
She was the happy baby.
And the planner, and the lover.
I can feel it tap on my shoulders in November. Although I smile, and laugh to hide the creepy pain.
It's the scariest feeling in the world, because I simply know what is happening, and what will undeniably unfold.
And so I am here.
I am by no means asking for an ounce of sympathy.
I am by no means asking for a shoulder to cry on.
I am by no means asking for anyone to try to figure it out.
I think I know.
The one person I reach out to right now, is the girl I shared a delicate childhood with. My sister.
She was the one that also pushed me to find the strength in my twenties to make major life changing decisions.
We haven't shared a perfect road together. My Tina, she's a delicate flower, and I am a leader of the pack.
I see suffering all around me.
I smile out in public. I will always offer a compliment, with a smile. I help where I can.
I work hard, and have an increasing stressful job, with more responsibility than you can imagine.
Although I remind myself, I have a job.
Some mornings as I wake, I pray with all my heart to get through this day the way I need to.
With trust, and love. With praise and good deeds.
Heading out the door, with a smile. Sometimes that smile doesn't come easy.
It is hard.
If I am absent from this little space of mine for a bit...just be patient.
I am here. I am fighting it like a little fighter.
I am NOT asking for pity. So please don't reach out. It's just more space, and sunshine I am looking for.
Sometimes I sense change. Sometimes I beg for change. Sometimes I pray that only a God above knows the plan for me. And for my children.
I remind you, as always, to stay true. Stay true to what makes you happy. Even if it means altering someones expected needs.
One last thing I'd like to share with you today. It happened to show up in my little pantech phone this week while driving to my place of work. And couldn't have landed at a better moment.
It was a text from a long time friend that lives not far, but close in spirit, and always just an email away.
Kristine, you little slice of sunshine. Thank you.
It read: Good morning. This verse gives me such hope and peace during this season. I felt moved to share with you. Hope it does the same for you. Isaiah 60:20 Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end.
We all know I am challenged with religion. I just am. I wish that I didn't have to admit this. Because most of the time, I feel that God has helped, and given me EVERYTHING I am today. In material, and life. I do.
But when I see struggles, and evil, and hate around me. Not to mention religious hypocrisy. Oh, don't get me on that tangent. So, I am "the questioner", if you will.
Here's the thing...when you receive things like this, during the toughest moments, it lights a candle in me.
God, I know you are listening. wow.
However, if I can get it through my thick head, that this season is beautiful. It's not the fancy things, or the list of gifts my daughter has so precisely left on the table.(Some items on that list, crack me up.) It's not the fancy wrap, (which those that know me, I prefer burlap, and plain brown paper over glitter) It's not the biggest gift one can give to the other.
It's slowing down in the season to feel the magic. gag me. jk. ha!
I have made a choice this season to take a step back. Standard traditions that fall around me in different cities, with different people I call family, will be different. I will help make magic for those less fortunate.
I will feed and clothe those less fortunate. And I will remember to count my blessings of great, healthy and safe kids.
I will wipe my tears, and crack myself up in the pity that falls upon my lap this month.
December, you little stinker you.
Merry Christmas to all of you. Through the best and the worst days, let's try to find the little things that make us happy.
Remember to take the time to speak what you mean.
Write a letter to a long lost friend, or loved one.
Or better yet, get your coziest blanket out,and curl up with a good read.
Take a step back if you need to.
I know I have.
Now it's time to decorate the tree we finally picked up. Decorate a little more. Make a list, and not check it twice.
Live for today, and try to let it be good to you.
I will stay close to the water. I will stay close to those that are kind, and loving.
Maybe it's the Christmas music?
Better turn that shiz off. ha!
Holla!
Love, peace and sweet hugs to each and every one of you.
This Mama Lisa.
ps. I promise to check back when I feel like it...otherwise, hang tight.
I've got lots to take care of.
How many days until Christmas? Shooooooooooot.
pss. Offer one compliment a day. While out and about...find it, say it, and watch the smiles blossom. Trust me. It makes your heart fill with more goodness than one can describe.
No comments:
Post a Comment