My last post, was rather rushed, rather straight forward, kind of just giving the tid-bits of my weekend, and weeks past. What actually was going on...was way more. Realizing the strength I was born with, yet battling that strength each morning I woke up during the last few weeks. I have a full plate at times, and as most of you know, I have the "helium" arm. It tends to raise up when or where I can help. Especially true if it has anything to do with K & K...school or sports. I am there. I am willing to help. The last couple of weeks I climbed the mountain of woes, losing friends tragically, scary dental appointments (root canal-I'M PETRIFIED of shots...that's why it got to that level), a lump in my breast that was growing rapidly by the week, meanwhile during October Breast Cancer awareness month, it was poking at me left and right. Every commercial, every brochure or fundraiser. Each doctor appointment was scheduled to see this doctor, then radiology, back to the breastclinic...reschedule with a surgeon...etc...and so on and so forth...this went on during the 2 weeks of mourning, our annual "Run to the Sun Event", missing Kali's dress up for Homecoming....and of course my biggest hill...my job. I was literally dizzy at some point during the last week. Sunday night, after preparing an awesome ham dinner with all the sides, (both K & K praised my meal..which I love) I laid in my bed, and I prayed. I prayed to the God that things would work out. That I am strong, but need strength. I needed help. I needed what I give my kids, and that was encouragement. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I woke up Monday very early as I do, headed to the kitchen for my lovely cup o' joe...and started my normal duties, of breakfast for Kali....the same each morning, her fav oatmeal topped with fresh fruit, blueberries and strawberries with organic pecans and toast..her famous yummy lunch...along with mine and Bill's...and we were off....out the door, with my chin held high, of course my kids would never know how I really felt....the long day of work, ortho appt's, tutoring...another dinner to prepare...etc. Knowing that Tuesday I was to head back to the breast clinic to find out what the plan of attack would be. I met, the most amazing doctor at Kaiser. Of course a female, took me under her wing, took me through the process of what could be done, showed me the ultrasound, confirmed by what we looked at (I do go back next month for another appt)...not to worry, she caressed my arm, and said, "Dear, don't worry, with age, these things happen, they change, your body will change...we will watch this...but don't worry..everything looks just normal and fine". I can't tell you the feeling as I stared in her eyes. So much behind me. It was like I needed these final words, I needed some compassion from a female doctor, so confident, so comforting. So I headed to my car, I called Bill, Kris and Kali sharing my happy news...and all the other things started to fall in place. I was driving home today, in the California autumn sunshine, music playing in my car, and of course, the tears started to flow. Tears that several of my worries, my sadness, my fears, have been lightened. Tears that having faith and praying does help me. I know this blog is long. For my guy followers, I probably lost you 10 sentences ago. And that's ok. For my ladies, and mama's out there, you know where I come from. You know these fears. The strength that we must have. I am a hard worker, a tenacious mommy. A juggler of all kinds..financials, employees, my own sweet peas at home...reminding them, hard work pays. School is a must. Being true to yourself and others... All along reminding myself, I can do this. I have Faith. I am thankful to my friends and my loving kids. And of course Bill, my rock. And the motto "This too shall pass" sure did, and I'm glad I weathered that storm.....
One sad note: Little bunny "Penny" as Kali called her, passed away with Kris in his room, cuddled on his bed in a blanket on Monday night. We fed her fruits, pellets, gave her love, she was a rescue from downtown LA. Kris purchased her to save her from the little boy on the corner toting her around in a box to sell for 15 bucks. He figured it would make Kali and I smile...and we'd figure out how to help her, or find her a good home....Monday morning she was very lazy. Very still, and quiet....I brought out the heating pad, the coziest blanket, advice that "tomorrow she'll be ok"...well, I soon walked into his room and she was limp. She had just passed. I took her from him, and covered her up. He cried. He was so sad, but we did what we thought was the best for her. Sad truth, that people walk the streets in LA with baby bunnies too young to leave their mommies....I told K & K she was sent to Heaven to be with Christy and Michele along with all the friends lost so tragically. I could still see her little nose and lips covered in berries...Until the next clouds pass...Cheers to today. One more day closer to Friday.
My last post, was rather rushed, rather straight forward, kind of just giving the tid-bits of my weekend, and weeks past. What actually was going on...was way more. Realizing the strength I was born with, yet battling that strength each morning I woke up during the last few weeks. I have a full plate at times, and as most of you know, I have the "helium" arm. It tends to raise up when or where I can help. Especially true if it has anything to do with K & K...school or sports. I am there. I am willing to help. The last couple of weeks I climbed the mountain of woes, losing friends tragically, scary dental appointments (root canal-I'M PETRIFIED of shots...that's why it got to that level), a lump in my breast that was growing rapidly by the week, meanwhile during October Breast Cancer awareness month, it was poking at me left and right. Every commercial, every brochure or fundraiser. Each doctor appointment was scheduled to see this doctor, then radiology, back to the breastclinic...reschedule with a surgeon...etc...and so on and so forth...this went on during the 2 weeks of mourning, our annual "Run to the Sun Event", missing Kali's dress up for Homecoming....and of course my biggest hill...my job. I was literally dizzy at some point during the last week. Sunday night, after preparing an awesome ham dinner with all the sides, (both K & K praised my meal..which I love) I laid in my bed, and I prayed. I prayed to the God that things would work out. That I am strong, but need strength. I needed help. I needed what I give my kids, and that was encouragement. I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I woke up Monday very early as I do, headed to the kitchen for my lovely cup o' joe...and started my normal duties, of breakfast for Kali....the same each morning, her fav oatmeal topped with fresh fruit, blueberries and strawberries with organic pecans and toast..her famous yummy lunch...along with mine and Bill's...and we were off....out the door, with my chin held high, of course my kids would never know how I really felt....the long day of work, ortho appt's, tutoring...another dinner to prepare...etc. Knowing that Tuesday I was to head back to the breast clinic to find out what the plan of attack would be. I met, the most amazing doctor at Kaiser. Of course a female, took me under her wing, took me through the process of what could be done, showed me the ultrasound, confirmed by what we looked at (I do go back next month for another appt)...not to worry, she caressed my arm, and said, "Dear, don't worry, with age, these things happen, they change, your body will change...we will watch this...but don't worry..everything looks just normal and fine". I can't tell you the feeling as I stared in her eyes. So much behind me. It was like I needed these final words, I needed some compassion from a female doctor, so confident, so comforting. So I headed to my car, I called Bill, Kris and Kali sharing my happy news...and all the other things started to fall in place. I was driving home today, in the California autumn sunshine, music playing in my car, and of course, the tears started to flow. Tears that several of my worries, my sadness, my fears, have been lightened. Tears that having faith and praying does help me. I know this blog is long. For my guy followers, I probably lost you 10 sentences ago. And that's ok. For my ladies, and mama's out there, you know where I come from. You know these fears. The strength that we must have. I am a hard worker, a tenacious mommy. A juggler of all kinds..financials, employees, my own sweet peas at home...reminding them, hard work pays. School is a must. Being true to yourself and others... All along reminding myself, I can do this. I have Faith. I am thankful to my friends and my loving kids. And of course Bill, my rock. And the motto "This too shall pass" sure did, and I'm glad I weathered that storm..... 
One sad note: Little bunny "Penny" as Kali called her, passed away with Kris in his room, cuddled on his bed in a blanket on Monday night. We fed her fruits, pellets, gave her love, she was a rescue from downtown LA. Kris purchased her to save her from the little boy on the corner toting her around in a box to sell for 15 bucks. He figured it would make Kali and I smile...and we'd figure out how to help her, or find her a good home....Monday morning she was very lazy. Very still, and quiet....I brought out the heating pad, the coziest blanket, advice that "tomorrow she'll be ok"...well, I soon walked into his room and she was limp. She had just passed. I took her from him, and covered her up. He cried. He was so sad, but we did what we thought was the best for her. Sad truth, that people walk the streets in LA with baby bunnies too young to leave their mommies....I told K & K she was sent to Heaven to be with Christy and Michele along with all the friends lost so tragically. I could still see her little nose and lips covered in berries...Until the next clouds pass...Cheers to today. One more day closer to Friday.
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