Forever Love And Protector.

I moved out when I was 17. 

My parents decided they'd buy a house far away in the mountains near Lake Tahoe.  At the time, I was a seventeen year old with a boyfriend and didn't think that would work. 

Looking back now I wonder why those parental's didn't grab that seventeen year old by her arm, and make her move.  

Life. 

Fast forward a year later, and she missed her period.

Deep deep down in her gut, she kinda knew what was happening.  

Scared, with morning sickness, she just knew. 

So she drove to their family doctor in Downey, with a confirmed pregnancy test, she sat in her little green Volkswagen staring at the piece of paper and sobbed.  

More fear, than accepting the unknown of "what would be".

She carried a small journal in to the doctors that day.  For notes.  For questions.  

As if those notes would guide me in the right direction of Motherhood. 

Motherhood is a beast.  And NO ONE can prepare you for its recipe. 

I would drive home.  

Calling my sister the minute I arrived.  She hung up on me.  (she later became obsessed with her nephew)

Then my parents. 

Both pretty unhappy with me. 

From that day forward, I promised myself. I promised my baby.  And I promised my family, I would try my very best at Motherhood. 

I can remember craving tamales (not the normal tamales with corn husks around them, I craved Xlint packaged chemical riddled, plastic wrapped ones) The only thing I really mastered in cooking was Kraft Mac n Cheese.  I'd eat the whole thing.   COVERED in pepper. 

The night I went into labor, I was eating El Pollo Loco and had to spit the last bite I took because the pain was kick ass oh-my-gerd, bad.  

We drove to the hospital at 10pm.  Birthed him at 5:30am.

The thing about giving birth, whether you're 19, or 39-- It's a miracle and pure euphoria.

He was mine, and I was his. 

Scared shitless the day we brought him home. I can remember staring at him on my bed and thinking...oh man.  Now what.

The car ride home being my first test of protection.  I swore someone was gonna side swipe the car. 

And stuffed in that little car seat looked like a potato bug to me, haha. - my little cherub. 

 Our love would deepen with every chapter we'd close and open.

We'd grow together in anything Mommy-Me. 

Swimming lessons.

Preschool (Tot-lot)

Sports (he hated)

I'd host his friends over for sleepovers, and little summer parties.

Just because.

He was my everything.

  

We'd navigate through elementary, middle school (tough years-yikes!), and high school.  I made a point to visit his counselors every single year, "just because".  I wanted them/him to know I cared, and I also wanted him to excel far and beyond what his "busy-body" would show.  

He was tested as "Intellectual" and "Gifted" in elementary, therefore, I always knew he was able.

It was putting the effort in, where I'd always need to remind. 

He'd do homework listening to super loud music in his room, and yet would kill it at tests'.

His mom is his biggest advocate. Figuratively, and literally.

He'd navigate a divorce, with a mom that packed his dad up one morning after he'd left for school, to never look back.  It was the healthiest choice for my home.  Kris was 10.

I'd do my best each morning, all day and every night to be a sufficient mom. To both. 

The first thing I wanted him to know, is I LOVED HIM. (Them)

We walked through long roads and chapters, growing together.

This last doozy sent me into a mindset like no other. 

This Mama Warrior took charge, and I never looked back. 

I love this boy.  

I love our relationship.

I love my choice to do my best. 

Even at times, I didn't know what I was doing. 

He's here.

His 1st Re-Birthday (picture makes me so emotional)

Through thick and thin, through sickness and health.  He's here.

And I am proud to be his mama.

Happy Valentines Day Bub. 

I am your biggest fan.  

I am who I am, because of you.

Love always, and far from perfect.

Mama 

This post is ALOT.  It's deep. It's me.  It's our story.  It's us.

The hard truth. 

My week of love notes.  

This is ours. 

Side note:  I still have that journal of notes I jotted down that day back in November of 1988.  I kept that journal and wrote to him often.  Having everyone whom attended his first birthday sign the last page.  HEART EYES

The Littlest One.

I never knew just how deep a daughter and mothers love can get.  How we'd some days not see eye-to-eye and yet other days we'd mesh like two peas in a pod.  How we can stare at one another feeling the same pain, and yet I carried her in my body 22 1/2 years ago.  How I nursed your sweet body to flourish and become the chubbiest little cherub, whom sucked her thumb like it was her job. 
There's something about the memory of nursing your baby that never fades, because it's the most beautiful thing I ever was able to accomplish.
Hard, but amazing. 

I never knew how much I'd protect you, until you were mine.  How with every single doctor visit I'd beg to just peek at you again with his little ultrasound machine.  1.) Because I couldn't believe I was having a girl  2.) It still just amazed me to think I had this little baby in my belly wiggling around.

There's a classy side of you that will always intrigue me. Your makeup, outfits and hair can be so stunning.  And then there's the days of sweats, and messy buns HA! 

You wear heels better than your mama ever will.  

Valentines Day was a special little day for you when in elementary, mostly for the candy attached to any card.  You always cherished the cards tucked away in those bags.
I can remember making cupcakes one morning for your whole class, and you were not happy with the sprinkles I picked and so we covered them with candy hearts. 

You've attracted some of the most loving friends throughout the years.  The type of friends you'll have for a lifetime.  Those very friends dad and I feel honored to hang along with too. 

I am proud of your strength on the toughest, life altering, pulling your big girl undies up, type of days. IF there's one thing I've preached to you, is "This too shall pass" and it usually does.
Can't say the "just sleep on it" because you've inherited your sleepless sheet wrestlin' from me.
BUT, you get up and get shiz done. 

You're sassy when hungry (only to me, Grant, dad and bro-lol)  But you give your best to peers and colleagues.

You question things that don't seem right, and yet you make sure you at least "try" before asking mama for help.  (that's been a hard one for me to swallow. mama's want to fix it all)

Happy Valentines Kali. I hope you take the little lessons of just being kind to people, along with working hard for what you set your mind to, and get after it. 

Know when to hold em, and know when to fold em.  

Just know your worth, love hard, take care of yourself!

Love always, 

Mama

You Da Best

There's something about our lovership that keeps me deeply attracted to you. I'll admit there's mumbles under my breath every time you drive and I'm shot-gun.  I still think I drive better than you.  I also believe you make veggie-n-eggs on the weekend better than I ever will. I'll never forget the pancakes you recently made that required eggs, oil and water, and yet they only got a dose of water causing a rubbery situation. But our laughter was actually the recipe we actually needed..and so...
Thank goodness for the just-add-water box we had. 

You'll pretend you like to watch the news some nights before we fall asleep because it's my go-to to fall asleep.  You'd take a sitcom anytime over the news, but you know me...the weather, and more bullshit to listen to. ha. 

You'll make sure our cars, and our kids' cars have noted, legit documented oil changes, tire rotation, and if we're being real honest here, the wiper blades change-date noted.  It's little things like that, that make you so hot in my eyes. (he's let the reigns go with Kris' car-tuning, but Kris  now holds the torch with the same documentation-womp womp)

You play my-car-your-car while we're waiting or sittin' and sippin certain places to make the time go.  And it's my most favorite laughter of all time.  

You handle asshole people way better than I ever will.  Lately, the most.  I see pain in your eyes and body, and yet you keep going.  

Your ears are the cutest ears on this planet.  Next time you sit next to Bill, just look. But don't touch. lol

My sarcasm and sometimes witty ways make you roll your eyes.  Like if I say "sure" slightly sarcastic it sends you into a tizzy.  LOL

Sometimes life is fast. And sometimes slow.
Sometimes messy and sometimes clean.
Sometimes hard, and sometimes easy.
Sometimes busy and sometimes quiet.
Sometimes you'll feel like throwing in the towel, while others you'll want to wrap up together in that towel.

There's no one I'd rather wrestle this wild life with. 

Because honey badgers don't give up. 

Am-i, right?  

I can't stop laughing at this picture.  My face.  My arm.  That quad thing in the background. Bill's defeated face. 

Come on Litha. Litha, come on!

HAHAHAHA!

Lisa Lynn

Tell Them. All Week.

As Bill named this picture :  The Four Shadows.  LOL
Bill, Lisa, Grant and Kali
Bolsa Chica State Beach February 2019


Tell them you love them.

Family.  

To my family,

You are my everything.  Forever and ever.

You are what keeps mama going. 

Valentine's Week. 

The biggest thing you can give, is love.  And a smile to a stranger in need.

How about we choose that. 

Flowers, candy, dinners, and all the other over marketed hype is a bit much.

Make your own love notes.

Don't miss a chance to share what you feel.

What they mean.

Tuck a note to your daughter.

To your son.

To your husband, wife and partner.

Tell them.

Try self love.  Treat yourself to a massage.

Nice manicure.

YOU work hard for it. 

LOVE.

You.

The rest will fall into place. 

Feeling lonely? Go visit a family member. 

Feeling anxious?  Go find an animal to love on. 

Just be kind.

Don't get caught up in envious assumptions.

Love notes live on forever.  And ever.

Candy, roses, and mylar balloons don't --
(well, maybe the mylars-which are horrible for the ocean)

Get ta' love-note-writin' kids...

xoxo

If you're feeling down, don't worry, you'll be back up again.
I promise.

This Mama Lisa

Happy Friday You Worker Bee's!

Sure is beautiful out!  I hear a forecast of rain again- We'll take it Mother Earth!

Lucky to live in Southern California, where rain can slow us, but never stop us.  Where the ocean is at our backs and those snow capped mountains adorn the north. 

My parents sent me this on Wednesday.

My moms car. 

Kinda wondered why those windshield wipers are out.  Must be a mountain thing..?

I replied "turn those wipers on mama and watch your car dance"

Crickets.

boom. 

This picture is on KFI Talk Radio site this morning.  

LOL

Ok, so....what's goin' on here?!  

So many questions.....

Made me laugh this week....

Okay I'm done.  Peace out peeps.

Soak up the rest. 

Sip good wine.  Always sip good wine. 

Be kind to animals. 

Lisa

Torn Bandaids.

 World Donut Day, World Slurpee Day, World Taco Truck Day, World Coffee Day....and the list goes on and on. 

I began my blog post early yesterday morning.  Searching those folders labeled COH2017.  

Trails and trails of memories.  

Not all good.

This one right here you guys. 

I want to burn it. 

I want to delete it.

I want to shred it into a zillion pieces.

But I can't.

They Radiated my son for 4 days straight.  4 times a day.

They killed his insides.
The process for remission.
The process to close a chapter.

Torn Bandaids.

It KILLED me.

And yet. 

Here I stare at it.
His last words to a fellow patient last week, remember...?
"It wasn't that bad for me"

Gawd.

Sickening honor. 

Then we have this nurse, whom basically was overdosing my bird with Ativan, until I finally questioned his ability to sit up in the chair.

But you learn to speak up because something tells you that a dose in between those treatments of 3 hours is less than what a dose should require....

Am-I-right?

Is Mama the one to speak up and question?

You betcha farkin' dollar she did.

You just do.  

Delete these pictures?

Are they a part of who we are?

The long road we've been down...?

As a matter of fact, there are certain pictures I view that can take me back to the stench of the mask I wore.  I can drift back to the smell of the soap at Kaiser that made my dry hands drier.  I can hear the beep of an IV and instantly want to run. 

World Cancer Day.

Yesterday.

Honoring those fighting, and those we said our farewells to.  Those we'll continue to honor by sharing websites like this-

Be The Match

The Red Cross  (I can remember pacing out in front of Kaiser waiting for his platelets to arrive, he was so so weak and sick and it was his mom that would almost usher it up to the nurses station-something I want you all to remember if you're ever in the ring with someone fighting cancer.  YOU must be the wheel.  That squeaks, that turns, that gets shit done. NEVER doubt yourself, and ALWAYS question things that aren't clear.)  MY BIGGEST opinion forever and ever amen. 

Cancer. 

It's a word all of us have been affected by.  One way, or another.  We have.  Or...sadly, we will. 

I never imagined I'd be that mom that would stand bedside to my birdie praying quietly over him as he slept.  I never knew the amount of information I'd learn about the word.

World Cancer Day was yesterday.  And just like all the patterns of media that explode, there they were.  A gentle reminder from the fighters out there.  The ones still here with us.  Their given right to post a picture and title worth honoring.  The pain they felt. The pain they still feel.  The days of blur and yet those days of knocking those bad cells down one by one.  The strength in their voices now, because gosh-dammit they deserve the recognition. The fierce kick to the curb they feel about that journey. 

World Cancer Day. 

I am proud of you fighters.  To the new friends I met along the way.  Some I kindly mentored, while others I stoically stood back in awe.  The strength on a mothers face as she fights the battle today.  

I can tell you one thing.  

Cancer fighters are true hero's.  In my eyes.  TRUE. Hero's. 

I am proud of you Kris.  You continue to push through even on the darkest of days.  Even when I nag your ears off.

YOU do you.  

I love you.

To you fighters out there.... YOU ARE HERO'S!

Torn band-aids hurt.

For the record, I did shred the Radiation Certificate and tossed it in the trash months ago.
Came across it one day while purging some medical bills.

I'd rather hang up his old collection of lures.

Worth fighting for:

Take Action Now- Be The Match

This Mama Lisa

Truth

Enjoy the weekend friends....

Carry that umbrella and secure all loose belongings....a' wind is gonna blowwwww....

Batten down' the hatches kids! 

And, something worth noting.  Is that Marie Kondo craze, just bonkers? I mean, I get the whole organize and purge of goods here and there. But who's got the time to roll socks, jeans and shirts like that. And color coordinated?  N.O.  Just no. 

 Stop it. 

Homie ain't got no time for that.  

Can she show us what she does with her fitted sheets?

Wanna know what I do? I roll em up and laugh each and every single time.

Bam.

There you have it!

That's all folks.  

Unplug, don't fold socks. 

LOLS

GO RAMS!

This Mama Lisa

Leaving work on Friday's like....

The Winners.

The thing about sports is --------> I don't really follow or watch them until mid-boiling point. ie.- playoff's or finals. (rolling my eyes in embarrassment-lol)  I've gone to two professional baseball games, two basketball games, and I think one football game, (years ago, and it was the Raiders, and I can remember even way back then, I was scared shitless of those folks-sorry Monica-#LOVEU). 

What I love the most is the excitement around me.  I LOVE to see the loyal fans whom dress the dress, and walk the walk. (Happily-lol)

There's something about winning.  And winning some more.  And watching the Rams climb the bracket. There's something to say about losing too, tis the chapters we all walk through in this life. 

I can remember the great days of soccer.  Club and High School, that led us down some victorious roads.  While others led to tears, and a quiet drive home.  I can remember getting our asses handed to us one game in Huntington, which was fueled by a shitty ref (we called him Rudy The Rudolf-and I coulda swore he was drunk on the field).  The defeat in the walk out of that stadium. Fairness, not so much.  Life lessons? You bet.

Winning.  And losing.

The Superbowl.

The big weekend of celebrating our hometown team.

(Bill's a Pat's fan, so is my sister....and I'm just SO happy to see the RAMS make it to this platform. It literally thrills me to think of them winning a Super Bowl -plus their coach is hot, and so is the quarterback.  Shh lisa, stop)

Winning. 

Sure is a great feeling. 

Am I right?

Winning. 

Winner. 

Winning!

Winner!

Forever winning. 

Winning. 

Winner. 

Winner. 

Won!

Um.   Losing?  LOL!  Cindy and Kyoko, just looking at this picture gives me chills.  Worse playing conditions EVER.  Lancaster is for the birds, forever and ever amen.  And I love birds. LOL

So, back to the Rams. That last game. Amazing. 

I actually cried.  There was an older lady that came into our local watering hole (Pelican Isle), she sat down next to me at the bar, ordered a Virgin Bloody Mary (doesn't seem to be a local most likely there for just the second half...)...and at the end, she looked at me and said, oh my is this game ever gonna end....?! I nodded in agreement, as I limit myself to one brew --mayyybe two on Sundays, and I just wanted to get home to prep our food for the week-LOL.

When they won, she jumped up in sheer, outright shock and excitement, and said "This is my childhood dream"  she started to cry, and of course...well...you know me. I hugged her with huge tears in my eyes too, and out the door she went.

Excitement.

Winning. 

Winning.

Losing.

Learning that perseverance and tenacity will get you there.

With a good coach.

And a hellava good Quarterback. 

GO RAMS!

Be safe on Sunday kids. 

Uber-schmuber it babyyy! 

To GREGGO ANDERSON, this is your weekend baby! You and Donna deserve this win.  You are the shiniest fan of them all!  

To our friends Chris and Jen headed to the Superbowl, SAFE TRAVELS, and have fun! 

Winning is such a great feeling.

Life's lessons. 

"Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn"

Enjoy the rain kids.

Fill up that Well, fill in those gardens, and water our trees Mother Earth!

We're so grateful.....

This Mama Lisa

Biggest winner of them all?

Me.  Because this guy loves me. 

WINNERS! ( I took this last year and I can't delete it from my phone) 

Exit stage left Lisa.  He's gonna kill me. HAHAHAHAHA!   (enter slow clap)

Buh Byyeeeee