Love In All Forms.

Do you ever meet a person, or persons and realize they crossed your path with reason?

Most often I notice this with the topic we happened to stumble upon falling face down in it.  The C word. 

So many times you'll hear a tremendous amount of suggestions, whether it be diet, or conspiracy.

You tend to hear it all. With no filter.  People share what they believe.  Or most often what they've learned along the path.  Usually with some grains of experience sprinkled in there.  

And so, I find myself sharing our story.  Sharing my story.  I wonder if it's for therapy, or plain, right out fear. 

We set out to find answers.  It's humanity really.  Giving and receiving.  My hope when I share with others, is I will either gain more education, or an ounce of compassion based from experience. It generally sprouts at work when a customer asks for Kris.  Or where he's at.  

Or Bill and I can be out and about and meet folks.  Soon, the story switches to our story.  This story.  

You'd be sadly amazed on how many people you cross paths with that have held the agony of cancer in their arms.  Never wanting to, but having to.  

Last week I sold a cover to a guy in AZ.  He was driving in to head to NHRA races, and would swing by and get the lid.  When he arrived, he was a tall, very tall as in like 6'5" big big dude.  A retired fireman.  

We carried on as I shuffled to and from production, and installation area. 

We began to talk....and of course my topic turned to my fight for my son.  And what I've endured for the last 6 months.  After he said something to the realm of "hey girl I don't sweat the little things..."-  

All along, thinking the same, but my shift of hard work to thrive in more than a physical sense.

 

And so a conversation blossomed into more information.  So much so, I jotted down an author he mentioned, and called my Dad on Saturday while stuck in traffic to see my littlest birdie.  

Otto Warburg.   Dad, can you look into this, and let me know your thoughts. 

I woke on Saturday as Bill left for work and my view was this-

Kinda chuckling to myself, because I had my hair dried straight.  This fog right here is the enemy for my frizzy hair.  Can I get a holla back familia?

Buellerrrrr.....

Anyway, moving on.....I digress...

I curled up and read for about an hour.  My guilty pleasure....Fog. Alone. Cozy blanket. 

Also tossing this cutie into the oven for Kali and her roomies.

I'd get on the road, after running to my car with my head covered with a sweatshirt, jk. No, really I did.  Because Kali said it was sunny at her place, and I just had to get out of the fog war zone. #firstworldprobz  HAHAHA!

 But don't fret kids....I'd jump onto the 405/5 south and have this view for 2 1/2 hours.  #blessed

Actually, I didn't stress it.  I don't care to sit in this.  I was on my way to see Kali.  My son is alive. I have health...as for now....and I am alive.  And I am loved.  

And if I looked to my right....at some point...I could see this....

 Soon, I arrived and she took me to the cutest little restaurant called Urban Plate.  If you've never been, drop everything and RUN.  Head straight there, and order their salmon.  Drizzled with lemon sauce. errmerrgosh.

 We then went and got pedicures.

 Blasting out of there wearing these sexy beauts. 

 Sooner than later, I'd hug and kiss her goodbye.  Walking down the stairs of her apartment with a little void in my soul.  Looking back at her asking "are you sure you're good honey"-

"Mom,  I'm fine...this is home for me...I'm good"

And she is good.  It's something to pat myself on the back for.  Living, learning and putting herself through school with determination. With tenacity.  

As they say, when your little ones can fly the nest, you've done your job. 

My drive home did feel a tad bit lonely if I'm keeping it real here.  It did.  I guess life moves on.  Your little's don't need you.  You've done your job. 

You just keep telling yourself that she's fine...

Everything is gonna be fine....

Right?

Bill and I tucked away early.  Long day of work for him. And lots of driving for me.  We'd make egg tacos for dinner and close up shop for nighty night by 9. 

Waking early to watch my favorite show "Sunday Morning" that starts at 6am.

He asking that I refill our second cup-o-jo'.....

So I'd find these..... 

Our third lime tree we will try to grow.  We've somehow killed our last two. 

 Cracking each other up, as I had left his chocolates and silly card in the bathroom. Sneaky little sneakers. LOL

We headed over to Gaylord's to cook him breakfast, and I made him banana nut bread.  Something he loves as long as there's extra walnuts. 

On the way home we'd take a side road leading us to... 

A bar we've heard of, yet never visited. 

And you know how I feel about dive bars. 

Love them!

Until a guy loaded on PCP decided to waltz in sitting down across from us asking the family next to us if they had some money--

The location of this place is awful. 

And so....until next time...if there is one...

Cheers to Joe Josts'!

Hopping back onto Anaheim St straight to PCH in typical "get the hell outta here fashion" crossing the paths of one of my favorite restaurants. 

Thinking all along it's probably gonna be so crowded. 

When faith landed in our laps again, and they'd have this view cleared for us. 

$3.00 mimosas.  Tantalums---

One there, and we'd head home.    

A little sweet peaceful Valentines Day just as we needed.  Alone.  

Setting the tone for a great week.

I simply hope.

And so, I leave you with this-

For yourself.  For your family. For your kids, or just a friend.

Food for thought, and water for your soul.

Read on lovers...read on.  (Sponsored by my customer and new friend Leon in AZ)

---------------------------------------------

Hello Lisa, and thank you for the recent purchase of my deck lid. I wanted to follow up on our conversation concerning your son. In addition to looking up Otto Warberg please consider researching acid/alkaline balance and the importance of high oxygenation in the blood. This information alone should help you and inform you to alternatives to modern medicine and its failures.

Don't take my word for it research it, this information has been know for many many years but most doctors will not tell you these things because these remedies cost very little and therefore are not profitable to big pharma or the kick backs to doctors. The average doctor has 3 tools in his tool box.

1) CUT - Surgery
2) BURN - Radiation
3) POISON - Chemo

That's it and that's all they know because in Med school they are not taught any thing else.
Please search the following sites and individuals.

- Dr. William Donald Kelly---------- One Answer To Cancer.              (Take the time to read this there is very important information in this document. And information is what you need right now.
- Dr. Otto Warberg-----------1931 Nobel Prize Winner , The Root Cause of Cancer  (This is a must read to anyone for a basic understanding of oxygen on a cellular level and the effects of it.)
- Check out the following You Tube Videos/Websites
1) Dr. Burzynski----------------Cancer is Serious Business, watch the (PT.1 Trailer2) first its about 3 minutes and then watch the Full Documentary so that you know exactly what you are dealing with.
2) Check out Educate Yourself.org-------------- And look up Forbidden Cures
3) Acid/Alkaline balance and how cancer can not live in an oxygen rich environment.

There is so much more info out there and it has all been proven to work at very little cost and all natural. I hope this helps you save your son. GOD Bless

Thank you

Leon jr

-------------------------------------------------- 

Kindness. Love. Humanity.

Happy Presidents Day!

Love,

This Mama Lisa

 "Strive for PROGRESS, not PERFECTION"

Happy One Month!

Well Happy Birthday Kristopher! One month in.

Things we've learned...and I am sure you could add to this list---

Transplants are no joke.

City Of Hope holds a part of our souls. Forever.

Sara Irons is the best nurse in all the land.

Severe vigorous hand washing is the newest coolest thing.

Food is best when seasoned with gusto. Like lemon, or all things spicy. Pickles rock.

Your girlfriend is the strongest beauty.

Poop must be judged. Input and output, with the D word a huge enemy in the game.

Your Mom has never felt so anxious, yet peaceful these last couple of days.

God is good, we just are skeptical people. Especially after this chapter.

Never knew six months could shake us so hard.

You've learned who your true friends are, and who isn't. Me too.

Medicine is most important and yet makes you feel the yuckiest.

We never knew the world of cancer as we do now. It's a rampant asshole.

We never knew how skinny your waist could get.

And that beautiful bald head still reminds me of a two month old Kris, smiling at me.

A good shower with a good wrapped port arm is your jam.

Our time together has been filled with more meaning, and deep conversations.

I hope you find God, or Jesus as you brought up to me the other day. I'm a tad bit confused too, but I just pray. I pray all day and all night and look at where we are.

You love the Mexican candies, and carry one around because the salty ones are the key to your heart, or I mean..taste buds.

You are a strong man. One I've over babied for years and took shit for it, but have never backed down.

You will continue to climb this mountain, and win. You will.

We've heard so many controversial percentages, with more to probably come. And yet, I wish we didn't ask.

You are not one to lay around, but when you've had a bad day, you listen to your body.

You are extremely observant. A trait we both carry.

You have a new birthday of January 13, 2016-- 1/13/16 @ like 6pm

Only this birthday you didn't come into the world crying and shivering that bottom lip.

This time you sat staring at me to get everyone out of your room. Your body was at the lowest I've ever witnessed.

But this is a month. And you have many more years in front of you.

And if you keep the team you have behind you, I think this memory will unfold later as just one hellava ride.

That rollercoaster we didn't want to get on in the first place.  Mama never liked rollercoasters...and so I will try and keep praying and holding massive faith that we won't get back on it.

For now, let's all live. For today. For moments together. Building back even if slowly.

One month in baby, and I see a little tiny rainbow....we just gotta keep walking towards it.

I love you Kristopher. You make me proud. Most especially of your strength. I'm always in awe when your cross over and through all the bullshit. You just do.

Happy Birthday! One month!

Enjoy your weekend, and live life to the fullest!

This Mama Lisa...

Ps- HUGE shoutout to my Auntie Susie and Cousin Mike (who is almost two years and I may be misspoken but so proud...but he's a recovered addict/alcoholic) and they are running together in the LA Marathon tomorrow and that is just some awesome stuff right there! You guys, his transformation is unreal....a true sentiment of GOT AFTER IT and is still getting after it! I love you! We love you!



This Mama is spending a lovers day with my lover. Doing what my soul needs...nothing. Nothing but LOVE...and loving hard!

The Cowardly Lioness, Or....Actually Mama Bird.

I. Am. A. Freak. 

I bolted out of the room yesterday. The brave Mom that has been down some pretty gnarly roads, and has witnessed more heartbreak than I care to share.  Or at least I'm sure I've painted a decent picture of where I've been. 

But....

I couldn't stay in the room as they started to drill into his spine.  

My legs, and my body begin to lose all weight bearing skills.  Ha!

As we arrived at City Of Hope I was trying to find the closest parking to eliminate him from walking in the warm sunshine...but he declined.  I'm okay Mom.....I can walk-

He was quiet, and he was on charge-on mode. 

Can't blame him...and so I just march on.  Striking up good ol' boring Mama conversation-

When in reality my view looks like this-

He on his phone.  Smiling at me, and as always...enjoying the company we share together. 

Mentioning how it sucks to deal with something like this.  How he still wondering why....why did cancer pick him to fight with.  Why this obstacle.  Why does he have the body that is bald, and skinny staring at him.  The sick hurting stomach every day.  To hear from his doctor that even after transplant he has a 60% chance to live a long good life.  Grabbing shit by the horns and trying to make the best of it because the world is cheering you on. When in reality you're staring at yourself, or your Mom preparing a meal thinking, what the fuck.  Why.  

But he moves on.  And still bites and barks, but smiles and loves. Always loving more. He's built out of love. And a wild free spirit. 

Only now, it requires sunblock, and coverage.  Lots and lots of coverage.  And not just for sun. 

Not just for sun, Kris.  We and I will rally around you finding the best. For as long as I can.

 

We chatted with is doc for a while. I've actually become most respected of him. (He was hard to read at first, causing me to just shut down on overly sweetness)But I like him.  More than ever.  And more than the last oncologist.  Dr. Farol seems to care.  His platelets were lower, so we're switching some meds around and waiting for some more labs to come back.  He's also taking one less steroid.  

Also to switch to an afternoon dose of steroid to eliminate the sleepless nights.  

 As we left on our walk back out to my car, I mentioned trying to find the bracelets we placed up in the HOPE trees. 

 We just gotta fatten' him up!

 And guess who I'm driving out to see tomorrow?!!!  She's taking me to a new cute place for lunch, coastal side-  So excited!

This little birdie....

And if you wonder what Kris is craving and indulging in......

It's these....

Spicy hot pickles.

And you wanna know what I'm craving?!

A good dirty martini-

That's what.....

Have a super good weekend you lovers.  If you haven't purchased a card or flowers....you can hand make a cute card, with real words of love inside.  AND......you can head over to Home Depot and get a nice plant. 

I was there yesterday....and wowsa doodle.....CUTE plants (already potted and filled with LOVE)!  

As for me and my lover, he's been under the weather, so maybe I can officially give and get some big ol' kisses and hugs!  Talk about avoiding the plague- hahaha. 

So scary when it hits this close to home!

 

Be safe out there, and spread smiles...

xo

This Mama Lisa

Weekly Visits

Well, we are back in the saddle again. But this time, just for a few hours. We arrived at City Of Hope with our hearts set to approach this mountain with gusto. His day yesterday wasn't what we all expected. He was down. And when you see his pictures of the weekend previous, you'd think his spirit was and is unbreakable. However, in life....it's always a rollercoaster. You know, good days and bad. When he first came home, he was like a little boy at the entrance of Disneyland. But he's not an amusement type guy. He's an earthly soul with a wild spirit to capture wind in his face and sunshine. Only hitch is, sunshine is an enemy. Top that with a nagging Mama Bird and you have a spirit that is likely to be broken.

I fed his belly full. Topped him off with his meds and pulled away for work. Something I'm juggling like a clown at a rodeo. His mind is so ready to take the world on, but his body says different. He's not one to lay around and yesterday he was feeling unworthy. Unworthy in a work field, and unworthy in man-hood.  It was just a bad day. A bad day at home. In bed. Sorting. Life.
Just like many do. It's finding the rainbow after the storm.

We woke this morning with a spinal biopsy and labs staring at him.
He ate. We chatted. We drove. And we are here.

A biopsy to see new cells, new German cells. No cancer. A new chance. Counts, good labs, no infections...and a better feeling overall.

I sit next to him as he's navigating through more fear. More worries. More adrenaline and a rush to feel better.

As always, my hope is here. City Of Hope.


Happy Thursday friends....

Be kind, and love hard. Even on the hard days..

Sunshine is good....I really think it is..

Pray for good news!

Just waitin' for them to call Krissssopher (and hoping I don't pass out bedside as I stand in on my first spinal tap...)
This Mama Lisa

Unreal Strength.

They say, "You never know how strong you are, until you have to walk through a storm"-

 A peek back to July 2015, when he started to "feel it". 

Under the weather feelings, and complaining begins....

Coming to work, explaining to us how bad he was feeling. 

Yet, he'd play all weekend on boats, fighting the feeling....believing it was maybe a virus...

 Well, we all did.  This picture is him next to my desk. On his birthday. Lymph-nodes swollen.  Open wound on  his bottom.  Falling asleep at his desk, and often on this bear.  Look at Bucks giving him love...

 We'd admit two days later.  With Platelets at 48.  Within hours, dropping to 18. 

 They'd take him in surgery to confirm one node was what they believed it to be. 

Acute Lymphoid Leukemia

He'd stay there for 3 weeks.  

First rounds of chemo would begin.

And talks of many more...

He'd battle through for months.  To and from.  Chemo rounds for a week at a time.  Coming home sicker for at least two.  

To finally land.....at The City Of Hope....with a chance to fight on through for life.

February 4th 2016  

It amazes me to look through pictures.  For me, it's been gradual. 

The HOPE was there.  It's still here.  It's surreal to look back at what he's been through.

This Leukemia woke me up. 

Today's breakfast....Egg-n-a-basket and bacon....

and shortly after........ these...

That is 14 pills.  We've eliminated 1.  One steroid. 

Silver linings baby....silver linings...

This New Year I'm not in quest for sparkly shiny new things. 

Or as some people talk about resolutions and words for the year, but I just want the new mercies.

Maybe I am asking for a new start.  A reset, if you will.  To live gracefully grateful.  For life.

For friends.  And for family. For the word "Simple" I preach so much about.  Maybe I should set the tone, and example.  To live just as that.  Simple.  And at PEACE.  With whatever we are handed.  Good and bad.  There is a plan in place.  Prayers, and lots of love will keep us strong to get through. 

It always has....

Well, maybe not prayer. Because I learned real quick just how far I was from Faith.  

But I have had strength.  And for that.....

For that.......I will get through.  

Happy Wednesday kids....

BE GRATEFUL-  

For today.  And a healthy life...

This Mama Lisa

Your Support System.

One of the things I never discussed on here during the hardest days of my life, is the troubled waters it causes at home.  Most important, your love life.  It's something you can't describe, yet if you've ever been through a crisis you know what I am talking about. 

I don't know if I have to say this....but I was an asshole.  At times.  The sweet Lisa had a mind of her own, and nothing would stop her. 

I drove in carpool more times than I should admit because traffic pissed me off.  I barked at people trying to help me when I knew better. 

I wouldn't return calls to my parents because I held lots of resentment- sorry, not sorry. 

I would literally stare at rude customers complaining about a broken shock with pure disgust.

Your shock is broken, and my son is curled into a radiation ball- hmmmm. Reminder, you never know what someone is battling in life. Take a second to digest that.

Bill.  There was so many times that dude would show up doing what he does best, to love me.  And I would push back.  There were times he couldn't do anything right.  I felt so "talked out" when I would come home from the hospital.  And yet, he'd sit across from me quiet, because he didn't want to probe. Or ask more questions I already answered. He had plenty too.  As I was the voice between doctors and nurses to home. 

He was running two companies, and I was lingering next to our son battling to stay alive. 

There were many times we'd collapse into bed, and I would begin to cry. He'd roll over, hold me, and wipe my tears. 

It isn't until now that I wonder, "what was he feeling too"- 

I'd see him talking to vendors or friends giving his side of the story.  How HE was feeling. 

And yet, I would walk around in MAMA WARRIOR mode thinking of how terribly sad I was.  ME.

OR....even worse, I'd bite his head off for things I would let go some days, while other days I'd chuckle with laughter getting myself through it. 

I'd push friends back that just wanted to come and hang out with me. Or have dinner.  

I had three places I would attend.  The hospital. Work. Home. 

There were times I would clam up, drive to and from. Working because I had to, and loving because I wanted to.  But only to my boy.  No one else. 

I couldn't even love myself during these days.  Sprinkle in shark week, and a full moon, and it was almost catastrophic.  

My smile would fall into play when I arrived to City Of Hope to all those that cared for my son.  I would help them help me. And him.  

They say when someone goes through a crisis, they've wiped out some in their path.  I can see it.

I can see how easily things can fall apart. 

It's holding tight.  To eachother.  Its having friends and like me a neighbor that relentlessly left breakfast and dinner, every.single.day.  

To help me. 

This morning while getting ready I feel like a check list has been taken away from me and tossed in the trash.

Have you ever had something big and scary presented to you in life that you have to emotionally sort through it, and almost talk yourself through it?  Like daily?  Hourly?

Mine has been taken away.  And that's okay.  

I hope cancer is gone.  I hope this biopsy will prove that our boy now has German blood, versus big birdie blood. 

I hope that those chemo pills I tossed into water to dissolve them and pour them into dirt to rid them from our life is real.  I always kept 10 for back up while he was taking them.  

They are gone.  This morning's little doing while I sipped coffee.

I hope that he can move on with life, and grow his beautiful hair back and live a full life, for years and years.

I made a hair appointment for this week.  

I want to get a pedicure.  

I need to buy more of my favorite lip gloss that is Wet & Wild and .99 cents, and I am currently toting mine around in a baggy.  It broke, and is leaking.  But....baggies save all. Bill did buy me red lipstick for Christmas, and I'd like  should wear more of it, but.....

Ya.  Red lipstick + Hospital = Freak. 

Maybe this weekend.  Valentines Day, when Bill's at the races.

Valentines Day + Bill at Races = Freak. 

jk. 

Well, not really....but don't worry kids, there's more to life than worrying about that.

Sunshine + Saturday = San Marcos...

A little time to exhale some more.  

The sun shining on my cheeks making me believe that "every little thing is gonna be okay" 

Or a little reminder of what my aunt and uncle told me years ago...

It's gonna be okay...

 

Because this life is worth fighting through.  

Listen to this song.  

 I can see clearly now....

How about those lyrics kids....

Happy Tuesday....Thank you for all the texts' and love.  It's been forever real with you all.

Gone are the dark clouds that had me down.......

This Mama Lisa

 

 

On Hovering.

And nagging.

It's been glorious to have Kris out of City Of Hope.  A place that gave him a new chance. Although it holds a big piece of my heart and soul, it's good to be free.  

What better timing to be free on such a beautiful weekend. 

The hard part, is the sunshine is pulling him out.  And about. 

Which is making life very challenging for Bill and myself.  

The new chance that has been filtered with many, many concerns.  He was told from the very first days of preparing for discharge just how delicate and how vulnerable his counts will be.  That going out is "ok" but to be out in the great wide open.  To not be in crowded places, germie places, and places that would harbor sickies. He is allowed to be in a car, and on the ocean, but to keep a conscious effort in keeping covered.

Most especially his skin. Graft Versus Host Disease is most likely to rear it's head on his skin. 

You can imagine my face when I find a video on IG of him cruising up PCH with happiness lingering like the wind out the window.  Both Jen and him, smiling, cruising, and living life. 

Yes, he's covered.  Yes, he's worried.  I guess coming from Mama and the formal caretaker.  I'm a tad bit more worried.  

Back in August when he was first sick, he bought himself an old vw bus.  One that he took such pride in having towed home.  Or to his uncles house.  His one request, to get it home so he'd have something to be happy in. 

He was told it was okay to drive, and be at home or homes with us.  To fist bump friends, and no hugs...and on and on they went.  A big blue book that stated the very same things. Down to, changing towels, and toothbrushes on the daily.  You can imagine how frazzled I became.  Quickly frazzled. As I am anyhow....

This caretaker biz tossing me over the edge. 

And so, Friday we woke to a beautiful sunny day.  We both did. I fed him, he napped, and on and on the day went.  Friday afternoon he headed to Jens, after having friends stop by. 

Biting my lip.  Wiping down counters because I was on nervous energy.

Bill took me to a hockey game Friday night with our friends Paul and Mary.  A good time was had, that's for sure....I never realized how fun and what energy a hockey game offers.  Reminded me of soccer a little-

My weekend was filled with sunshine and love.  Sunshine that I needed so badly to help ease the crazy worries of what we just went through. Kris grocery shopped to make himself "ranch" dressing versus buying it. Buying all the goodies to help get through the 100 days of cooking meals from home. 

Texting me in the morning asking me what we were up to. 

My response, whatever sounds good to you...

Come over and I'll bbq- Dad and I are gonna head over to Gaylord's to check on him and we'll be back...

So I made these, and we bbq'd a nice little dinner in.

At night fall, I could see his tired weak body starting to fold.  He has a handful of pills to take.  

So they'd head home.  

His first night without sweats.  He first night of sleeping without Ambien.  

Yesterday, same thing.  Coming over after taking the dogs to the park...where it was too hot. 

I made a nice dinner. We sat and watched Superbowl 50-Which had only TWO cute commercials-Both of which had animals.

Superbowls, for me are all about food, and the commercials. 

Raise your hand if  you think it should be Superbowl Saturday?  *hand raises super high*

I headed home at 3rd quarter. With Bucksie and my Mama Warrior bag that I'm due to empty tonight. 

Time to clear my head.  And my heart.  

And keep on praying!

Today, he's at the doctor.  Where he was just told his labs (counts) look perfect.  To eliminate one steroid. 

To keep getting stronger, and to "get out and get strong"-  

I repeat---get out and get strong.  Whaaa....???

To avoid crowded places, and un-trusted food places.  

To thrive. To live.

And so, maybe I am just a tad bit overwhelmed-  Maybe I'm in shock.  Maybe I'm just a warrior Mom that has been to hell and back. 

Maybe, I should trust in the God I prayed to, asking for answers.  To not only protect him, but me.

I can't go through more anguish.  I really can't. 

I call "uncle" on the hard parts in life. 

Today and for the next few months this company needs my attention again.  It needs both eyes on the road, not just one.  

I've fallen down from my desk top.  A place I've been honored to sell the name for 20 years, needs my attention again. Come on Spring season, let me sell some lids!

One eye on the road, and one on myself.  

No one said life would be easy, but it's gotta get a little easier....right?

This girl is hammering down on sorority stuff though...

Pushing, living, learning and pulling girls in to their sisterhood.

 To each of you friends out there....you are the reason we've kept going.  

Go love.  Work hard.  Spread kindness, because so many people are battling demons that could use kindness.  And love.  Lots and lots of love.

My other favorite part.

Believe in love-

This Mama Lisa

Day Twenty Three. Home. A month later....

We pulled away, both shaking nervously as we loaded my trunk. And back seat.  Him pulling the wagon filled with the bed he laid in for over 30 days.  We stuffed that therapeutic mattress into my trunk, pushing down hard one last time before slamming it shut. As I hopped back into the car, and put it into drive, we looked at eachother and the tears began to fall.  He stayed on his phone, and soon looked at me, with his little side smile and said, "Mom, that was crazy"-

I know, Kris.  I know.

We sat at the light pulling out to the street I am so familiar with, he not so much.  To the freeway entrance we went.  With the CD that Kali made for me before she left back to school. That playing, us darting onto that freeway, both crying.  We couldn't talk. We just drove. 

Away from a place that will give him a new start, a new life.  We hope as they say, it all goes as planned. 

We didn't peep a word, we just drove.  

He was tortured for the last month.  A way that is so good, and so bad.  So so bad.

I can see why patients suffer from post traumatic syndromes from going through such a battle. 

He was so frustrated as we were waiting on those last labs.  As each planner made their way in and out, he finally fell back to sleep.  Me, sitting at the end of the bed, just knowing his anxious feeling of wanting to get out of there.  I couldn't blame him. 

One bit. 

We got home yesterday afternoon to a beautiful warm breezy day.  I kept saying, it was the best day to come home.  A fresh start.  I look around at the trees with no leaves, and no flowers in bloom.  Kind of like him. 

He couldn't really settle into bed.  He just made his way from room to room. After greeting Bucks and loving on him. He began to talk food.  His favorite "Egg in a basket" which is just an egg cooked in the middle of white bread slathered in butter.  Only now, we cook that egg and every detail in cooking, is bacteria respected. 

I made a batch of enchiladas as Jen and I sipped wine.  Recapping the last month. Our travels.  Life watching him.  So many things he's forgotten--hellllllllo chemo brain---

We laughed as we reminded him of certain details. He'd laugh with us. 

I sorted 17 prescriptions into a separate little container. Monday-Friday, morning...noon and night.

Highlighting each one, because these life saving meds are no joke.  My responsibility of taking care of him is on key.  One that even as a parent. You sit and sort meds, and jot down Triage Centers number like a boss.

You remind him of changing each towel before showering, and making sure he uses his own toothpaste.

Changing toothbrushes every other day.  Linens, clothes, exposed drinks too long, washing hands, not rubbing his eyes.  Careful in handling animals.  Dust.  

He knows.  

We have wipies on every little corner.  

We tucked away early last night. As I made my way into bed, and collapsed onto my pillow.  I thanked God.  For this chance.  

Day 22 ended.  And just like his counts, the spirit crept back up.  

We have a journey ahead of us.  One that will always tap on my shoulder to NOT take things, and life for granted.  I've never been a material girl.  For those that know me, I love to love. I want to enjoy the LITTLE things in life.  I want peace.  And I want my kids happy.  And well.

Forever, we are tainted. And that's a bummer.  But as they say, maybe the strong are handed shit in a jar to get and or stay stronger...?  

Not sure. 

But I am a warrior mama, and I will not back down.  

Until my last breath. 

City Of Hope will indefinitely see more of us. It is just what we know is a fact.  Sara, our favorite nurse walked out with us yesterday. Offering to snap a picture.  Or two. 

Ironic I'd say how we'd end that journey with such an amazing soul.  An amazing nurse that offers so much love. 

Ironic how she'd snap that picture of us.  Both jittery.  Both starting to cry.

She was there. 

And her last words to me-

You are amazing, and an amazing Mama.  

In reality, deep down, I thought.....

You.  You, Sara....are an amazing nurse. 

I hope you all have an amazing beautiful weekend. 

January 4th-2016

Enjoy life.  For one phone call. One small thing can flip your world upside down. 

February 4, 2016

Big love you guys....and thank you for all the support. 

Erica.....my belly, our belly, my soul will forever be in debt to you for taking care of me on this wild journey. 

Thank you sister.  Thank you. 

One Month. Day 22

And....THATS A WRAP!

I arrived here earlier than I planned. I had grand plans to wash Bucks(which I did)- Make enchiladas (which he's craving). Pick up his 19 prescriptions (which his Dad picked up)-
Our nurse (Favorite) was in here. Disconnecting him from this cart he's been attached to for a month.
I was originally told he'd discharge between 12-2pm.
He called me at 9am. "Where ya at Mama"- "They want to talk to you"

"They"... Meaning-Case Manager, Pharmacists, Dietician, Nurse, and both docs.
And as he was pushing them like a coach in a game, it was all I could do but keep up with much gratefulness, lots of "Thank You's"
Smiling, hugging those who care.
Those who've worked so hard to keep him alive.
I will forever be grateful.
I won't miss these 4 white walls. Or the elevator. Another smell I smell.


--Can't blame him for wanting to get out of here.
Can't blame him for wanting to break free and learn to fly again.

I think I'm ready..

I know he is.

City Of Hope, you are a saving gem of HOPE.

Still here, waiting on one more lab result. You know, hospital time baby...hospital time.

Counts :

WBC 7.7
Hgb 13.2
Platelets 161
Cr. 0.71

How about the beauty of this day...you guys......

Sunshine and clear skies...

Guess what team I'm rooting for this Sunday?
KMS.

This Warrior Mama Lisa

Going Home Eve. Day 21...................Night 30

Well.......

 I don't want to jinx anything.  And so, I'll just leave this excitement in the eyes of these two faces.

One, of my newly hatched stem cells birdie.  Second......The best nurse in all the land.

You know, there's something called The Daisy Award.  An award for excellence in work well done in the field of nursing.  Or service.  Of life.  Honoring ones hard earned love.  Not just work. Not just a place that she drives to and from to save lives. From a place not close to the hospital.  Not just the place that she kneels down to get eye to eye with patients, because they feel like giving up.  Not just the place that you spend hours and hours with sick people. Not just a "nurse" that shares a smile with his Mom, and sometimes a firm hug. Asking questions about us.  Our lives.  His sister.  

She's a force to be reckoned with families facing a crisis. Sharing with us a thing or two about nurturing.  

She's given me hope. Especially about the challenges I face with the language barrier I experience.  She's exceptional you guys.  She is one of a kind.  Maybe that's why she's there. Maybe that's why we were meant to cross paths with her. 

This nurse.  

And if the morning couldn't get more sweeter.  He sends me this.  Sara re-writing yesterdays counts.  Those white cells that dropped a little over the weekend, and crept back up.  For life.  Those newbies, just growing and thriving.  And Sara there to witness the beginning of so many changes. The guy she pushed to keep pushing. 

Sara.  You better believe our, mine, his relay recognition will be hollered from the rooftop in the next flipped pages.  

It's almost like the excitement kids get right before Santa comes to town. 

Except right now we are excited to have our birdie back in his home nest.  Well, except for me, 

IM FREAKINGOUT *shocker*

Warmth, love and safety.

But first.....first, we pick up 19 different prescriptions.  And we prep as much as one can to have a delicate body rebuild.

Miracle.  Science.  Soul.

Almost 5 weeks.  

Kris, you are gaining. Little by little. 

Let's do this....

And Jen....if you ever read this.  You, my dear.  YOU....are one rockstar girlfriend.You...are exceptional and deserve the Rose award.  One step up from Daisy...

Little request and reminder....as he continues to heal, and rebuild, I ask that you please refrain from visits if you might be sick, have been around someone sick, or are just dirty. jk.  My deadbolt is pretty gnarly--

BIG LOVE and so much peace to you.

Clink glasses together with all you prayer warriors....*CLINK*

As our glasses swish back and forth and we all smile at eachother.....

This Warrior Mama Lisa

ps.  Bucksie is gonna be one happy little fur dude tomorrow......
pss- Happy Birthday cousin Patrick and cousin Mike.  We celebrate you and life! 

Day 20

Well.....hellllllooo....

A tad late huh....

I worked this morning trying to earn a buck or three and landed here at 2. My day was blasting by with hopes to get here sooner.  However, I honestly say that trying to maintain financially, for not only myself, but making sure little important things are handled for both K & K are priority too.

Yesterday Kali got herself, or should I say got her car tangled with another car. While I was at a doctor appointment checking on my Ta-Ta's, she had the lovely opportunity to make that call to her Dad. No worries though, she's not hurt, and same goes for the tangled car owner. All good up there in the Escondido hood. Just a little deductible kids....no big deal, said NO ONE ever. LOL.

At this point in the game I have to laugh. I guess it's fair to say all of us have had to learn the hard way...right? Whether it's driving in a storm or grazing the side of a car....
We learn.
Jake from State Farm, welcoming a newest claim member.
Kris is good in spirits. He's sincerely over this place. He's ready to go home to heal. To get stronger and to get better.
He's now taking almost 20 pills. In place of his IV. He chuckled with me about doubling the pill organizer it bought. Our discharge coordinator said I will pick up (19) prescriptions when we leave.

And that's okay. I'll pick up 1900 ....

I just want him well. Healed. And happy.

I'm sure everyone does.

Counts:
WBC 4.3
HGB 12.2
Platelets 159
Cr. .65

As the reminder goes. New weak body full of baby cells not strong enough to fight even the
most common cold. Each day,each week he will gain strength.
Until then...keep on praying!

We feel em!

Big love,
This Warrior Mama Lisa

Day 19

Oh man, hope the big bad wolf doesn't blow this house down. 

Mr. El Nino....hold on to that wind dude.....

Day Nineteen.   A day he was told they will start to give him "pill" form versus IV.  Starting each day.

Until Thursday. Thursday is a day they are looking at for discharge. 

Eeeeekkk.

Yesterday we played Monopoly.  And I let him win.  JK.  Since he was a little guy his competitive blood runs deep and dark.  At parties when he was little I'd have to leave the room if "Pin-The-Tail-on the donkey" was played.  Or gosh forbid musical chairs.  We'd have to leave.  Like leave the party if he didn't win. 

Total jerk kid.  My aunt Michelle would agree with me, because my little cousin Danielle was the same. 

And so.....board games.  I played because I love to play with those little dollars. Man, add in some purple latex gloves, and you're a slick dolla dealer...And those green houses.  I was the cat. He was the ship.  And Zach was the Top Hat. 

The game was good.  And loooooooong. 

And he won. 

But only by default.  Because his friend Stone showed up-----

Saving Zach and I from losing even more.  I was down to 35.00.  Although I didn't owe Baltic Ave.  I did own some railroad.  I was getting to the silly point.  The point where when my sis and I were young I'd throw all the money in the air, and we'd laugh hysterical. 

And so..... Thank you Stone for saving Zach and I from losing our asses.   

Or ......our GET OUT OF JAIL CARDS.  

 I drove home in the wind. After hearing from Kali and how scared she was on the way home, and her legs were shaking because she couldn't see anything in front of her...and on and on.  And I stayed quiet, waiting for her to make the last leg of her trip taking streets from the 78 all the way to her apartment.  Before expelling what I told her that morning.  Asking "next time I say to leave, or give safety suggestions, will you listen"-  yes mom.  

The moral of every young adults life-  Live and learn...

Listen to your Mother.  

Or your Father. 

They've been down those roads. 

Last night I felt like my house was gonna blow over. If not blow over, then the water heater cover, bbq, trees, pillows on benches, water bowls, plants. 

I didn't sleep last night.  And not for anything in particular, just anxious Monday morning jitters.  And the sounds of things crashing and blowing around outside.  

Bucks was freaking out.  

This morning the text began.  He said his counts dropped a little.  But nothing to be alarmed about.  As we'd heard this happens.  He will begin taking meds to wean from IV.  The process at home and at the hospital will begin to get discharged.  

And so we won't be putting numbers on squares for Super Bowl....or maybe we will....

We WILL be filling a fridge with food to safely fatten my skinny bald birdie up. 

Covering his bed with the blankets his Grandma handed down to him as a newborn.  

Starting over. 

Delicately. 

All over. 

Happy Monday friends....

Evie, if you read this- Split Pea soup......Woman.....get that one in a cook book.  Thawed that one out last night.  Wow. 

Love to you all.

And Kali.....don't drive in storms? K.

PS-Kris, You mentioned to Mama how hard it is to see your self as this.  Bald. Healing. All of it.  And I'm sorry if these posts hurt you.  For I think one day we will look back at how strong you are. How you endured a marathon bigger than most people.  And this beautiful bald head, and big eyes just remind me of you starting over.  My baby.  My baby birdie.  I love you. These are good.....

This Mama Still A Warrior Lisa