Their Happiness

Their happiness is truly my happiness.  

And after another long interesting week filled with all the goodness life hands each of us, staring at their pictures is what makes my heart fall back into place.  Especially this day and age with so much craziness out there...it's just a beautiful thing to see.  HAPPINESS.

Jen is nose to the ground so close to this competition.  Pictures don't do the dedication justice.  It truly doesn't.  To not eat what your boyfriend eats, to not nibble on a small donut or cake here and there (she loves donuts)...to not sip a good glass of wine.  She works out hard in the gym twice a day.  

I can go on and on..but I simply tilt my hat to her.  

A few months ago they shared the news of her dedicating herself to this, and she is so so close to finishing this GOAL.  Jenny, you make us so proud!  Although I'll always be your biggest fan in admiration of that hot body of yours, and trust me, it's smokin' hot,  I'll always love you however you look-

  I mean, just look at her...our little barbie doll!  Next Saturday she'll compete against a group of beautiful girls.  We can't wait!  

 This was taken a few weeks ago.  This next week will be the final cut, the final countdown, the final of everything to get to the next phase.  Tanning, hair, nails, you name it...

Those shoes, and that suit...BE READY BECAUSE SHE'S GONNA KNOCK THIS OUT ACROSS THE BIG WIDE OCEAN!  

In other breaking news, Kali and Madison went to see Arianna Grande (whoever that is-LOL) last night with Maddie...and this cracked me up this morning.. Shelley sent me this..."You think the girls were hungry in Uber on the way home last night"-  Sent that dude in a huge circle.  Here's the thing...there's nothing open late at night in that town.  However, they did manage to hit up In-N-Out in LB though..

And then last, but never least, was Kris out on the big wide open ocean, chasing tails...

After he fishes, generally his legs always hurt.  This time, this morning he mentioned his hands hurt....

And now I see why-  BOOM!  Fish Taco's anyone?! 

With much love and peace to you all this weekend....

This Mama Lisa

Sometimes, It's What You Ask For.

For most of you that truly know me, especially family, will agree my sister and I weren't raised religious. 

There were the typical invites from friends to take the fun bus to Sunday school.  As a matter of fact, I can still remember the snacks, the music, and most always the happy vibe on that bus.  

Taking us to hear the "word" on religion.  God.

If I'm being honest here, I never made it back home to share all the goodness...or..."the word" with my parents. 

I was just there for the cookies, music and smiles. 

I can still remember loving the window down in that rickety bus, wind blowing in my face, no care in the world with those knots in my untrimmed long hair....

Fast forward and we'd be sporadically welcomed into the Catholic church with my grandma, and most always my aunts.  Again, I was moved by the music.  However, always a tad shy when it came time to introduce myself amoungst the people around me.  As a matter of fact, to this very day, I'm not sure I feel good about that.  I am a weirdo.  Introvert under my conditions.

I do however love to  put the holy water on my forehead, making the sign of the cross as I leave.

Feels so holy. 

Really push fast forward, holding the button down, and I'd put myself through catechism to baptize my son in the catholic church so that he could attend catholic school.  In my young mind, I always wanted him to wear a nice uniform, and be taught "extra well"...when the time rolled around for his Kindergarten days, all shit hit the fan, and we'd not be able to afford that. 

Here's where things get "weird"....

I always, always asked God for signs.  Even back  before any of this stuff happened.  I wondered. 

If God was truly out there, why is there so much suffering.  To this day, I still innocently question quite a few things.  Not to mention, I drop the F bombs under my breath more times than I'd like to admit.

The night I was leaving the hospital when they mentioned the words "leukemia", "lymphoma", Cancer, chemo, cancer, chemo, port lines, admitting, long fight, fuck, fuck fuck....I was pushed so far into a corner, I don't know how I could breathe.  I still to this day don't know how I was able to walk. To function.  To button a top.  I can remember asking my 19 year old to sleep with me.  I do remember staring at a sign in my house that I wrote in chalk 10 years ago that reads HAVE FAITH.

My prayers were so all over the place. I truly didn't even know what to say. 

To this day, I still forget to pray you guys.  And then all of the sudden, I'm like...LISA, PRAY ABOUT IT!  

Another thing you should know about me, is I can't stand hypocritical religious people. 

Do your thing.  Pray your prayers.  Just don't look down upon those you are no better than. 

My relationship with God is pretty funny.  Each day, I see little things.  I pray when something is overwhelming me.  (Like sleep you guys...sleep is pretty non-existence in my home) Most times it has nothing to do with the kids.  It's business.  It's life. It's growing older.  And hormones, or lack thereof.  It's my parents.  My sister.  My niece.  My life.  Emotions.

Friends. Money. Evil. Love. Travel.

I go allover the place in that silly bed.  

And so I pray.

Here's the thing. 

When someone sends me something that has true meaning, to me.  It rings a bell.

It's the same type of person that questions religion.  Life.  After life.  Healing. 

Blood.  Love.  Life.  Reason.

If I didn't have a beacon of HOPE out there you guys, I'm not sure I'd be able to put one foot in front of the other and move forward.  Many days of getting out of my car and heading up that elevator with so many over flooded thoughts.  Pity.  Heartbreak.  Anger. Questions. Tears.

And so I'd pray. 

My dear friend Erica sent me this link Tuesday afternoon.  She's my neighbor across the street, whom humbly serves others.  Never looking for recognition.  Never looking for attention.

The quiet silent Angel on Earth.

She reaches out to me every couple of weeks about  Kris.

Praying for him.

Praying for me.

She sent me this.

The little film is ten minutes long.  If you're not into the religion thing, I get it. Take what you can from it.  

Skepticism.

Jim Munroe- I am Second

I wonder if he has had Philadelphia Chromosome...

Lots of wonder for me. 

However, the one thing I do believe in, is signs. And answers.  And healing.  And God.

To me, God is good.

I hope you feel it some day. 

That's all.

Happy healthy day to you.....

Go spread smiles.   They make the world a better place.

This Mama Lisa

*disclaimer- I speak for myself in this post. As for my son, I hear him randomly thank "the good man above", but he's still a little skeptic through it all.  Don't blame him.

My Pocket Full Of Posies

Happiness is found in layers in my opinion.  The more I see my birdies enjoying this fast, wicked life I can only appreciate every little second of MY life more and more.  You know the motto--

"When mama's happy, everybody's happy"-  

Only vice versa these days...

The minute I capture a message from them out enjoying life, I AM HAPPY.  Each weekend we all send texts' back and forth. What starts off as "whatcha guys doin" turns into pictures...and pictures turn into happiness.  For me.  

For the first time in almost two years when someone asks "How's Kris", I truly, and whole-heartedley feel the honest response come to my mouth "He is fantastic"-

And truly feel as though, he's fantastic.

Yes he battles nausea every.single.day.

But will you find the silly side of  him?

Yes.

Will you find a smile at the end of his text?

Yes.

The excess of worry is starting to shed from my soul. I am sure at times, it's leaving Kris too.  Any time there's somewhere to be, to promote happiness or goodness, he is there.  Add in some little munchkins, and you've filled his tender heart to the brim.  This dude loves kids.  He begs to be a daddy someday.  

For a while I promoted it like it was my business.  And then realized, it's not my plan.  It's not my plan at all.  The plan in place is handed to us from far beyond the borders I am used to.  

And so I just pray about it. 

What's meant to be, will be. 

Here's Talon and Kris.  The sweetest little dude....

Jenny is on her final stretch of muscle mania land, hence the lack of presence.  

It's all the focus right now.  To say she's been focused 100% is an understatement. 

She's moving little mountains.  And building solid little big muscles-

Is it me, or hasn't she always been smokin' hot!?

Almost 15 Months Post Bone Marrow Transplant!

Meanwhile in other "Breaking News", Kali tried raw oysters for the first time in her almost twenty one years.  So, to help you sleep better tonight...here's a picture. Also worth mentioning, I think they are the most disgusting thing ever. They look like a um....2 things....well...sorry, my PG rated thoughts are they look like a booger.  And the way you eat them is slather, and swallow.  As for me and my soul, I'm all about enjoying the grub of chewing. 

You're welcome. 

But don't fret, she made it out alive...and off to watch Mother Earth's finest farewell.

Le Sunset..... 

 Del Mar.  

Cliff side hangs, and all is good in life.  

Note to you both--Never stop chasing sunsets.

Ever. 

Grant and Kali March 2017

I'm quite sure you're all wondering just what the heck Bill and Lisa did all weekend....

Well we rose at 5:30am for a car show.  Shout out to my pillow for giving me all the love it had all night long, because when my dude woke me up, I really wanted one more pillow hug.  But instead of pillow hugs, I decided face makeup would probably be best.  And then a flat iron to my always frizzy hair.  

The show starts at 6am and ends promptly at 9am.

Ever wanna grab a donut, coffee and walk around staring at beautiful muscle cars, go to 

Donuts Derelicts

You'll just have to part with your delicious pillow at 5am. On a Saturday.

Just typing that hurts. jk

Headed home after show...gloom schmoom 

Again, no need to worry about us kids.  We'd be headed here for just one cold one (mimosa's) and peanuts at Mother's in Sunset Beach.  A place where everybody knows your name.  The smiles are in abundance and the vibe is nothing short of "real"-  

You know my thoughts on dive bars. 

Some of the best people with the best humble vibes are there. 

This place is wall to wall dancing smiling folks by 2pm.

Go there too. 

You're welcome. 

Things change in life.  However the one thing that will never change is the beauty in a classic car.  

And dive bars. 

I hope your week is beautiful....

Keep on keepin' on....don't look back and keep a pocket full of posies. 

Summer two thousand seventeen I'm comin' atcha. 

With arms wide open. 

xo

This Mama Lisa

Oh My.

Here's a little something to start your day.....

Preschoolers and Elderly....

Don't Blink

Remember, LOVE is the only thing that will hold us all together.

Love,

This Mama Lisa

Snowy Happiness

LIVE-TRAVEL-LOVE-LIVE-TRAVEL-LOVE-LIVE-TRAVEL-LOVE-LIVE-TRAVEL-LOVE-LIVE

Mammoth Mountain March 21, 2017

May you both be blessed, healthy and safe for the rest of your days...

Mama

ps- Happy Birthday Cousin Evelyn! 

On Good-Bye's

A few years back...like 5 years to be exact, we met The Lusk Family.  At the time, it was a couple with his son. (I remember the night we met them at that Cabo resort, she rolled her eyes at me for nagging Bill as he stated he was gonna surf the next morning-she didn't know about his hip-LOL)

 His son would become their son.  They'd eventually marry, and she'd adopt Noah. 

{insert a heart emoji} {and tears if you know me}

With a storyline similar-in a way- to mine, there was something about Kerri I liked. 

She's a witty, strong woman. She's a tomboy with a fierce streak of fire for business and hustlin'.  

She's a good mama.  She's ambitious.  She's got a taste for wine like I do. 

We met, we mingled, and we partied. We met for dinner with discussions of kids.  Partners. Life. Work. Kicking ass in life.  Wine. LOL- Being married, not being married-

She laughed at my "happily attached yet undeclared motto"

Few years later we'd begin our search for a bone marrow match for our son.  She reached her arms out to me.  We chatted.  I cried. She assured me that the process would work. He'd eventually find a donor.  I really was so skeptical.  And yet, she'd always reassure me. 

We always stayed in touch via text message. 

Noah, their son skateboards. And because of her, his passion still continues to kick ass.

She sat in hours and hours worth of traffic, not to mention pool side as he learned the hard way.

Through trial and error. 

She was there. 

His new mom.

Noah Lusk

For that alone, I admire her.  

Deeply.

She transports stem cells for Be The Match.  She's the "runner".  They fly all over to grab, jump on planes, and head back to the place fighting to save a life.  With that little ice chest.  

She's that girl.  

They're moving to Oklahoma.  

She reached out to me last month to get together for dinner.  Before they leave.

That week I became so nervous. 

I don't do well with good-byes.  

My parents moved away when I was 17.  I can remember it like it was yesterday.  The day we said good-bye.  I cry thinking of that day.

It's one of the reasons I am so strong. 

But it's another reason I don't do well with goodbyes. 

Kerri, I hope you come across this post.  I'll stay in touch with you with texts'.  I will creep on your pictures of Noah.  Your married life. Your new life in Oklahoma.  Your hardworking lover.  Your hardworking self. 

I will follow you. 

I am a coward.  I can't say goodbye.

You don't want to see that. 

My best to you always sister.  

You are the reason your family will prosper, grow and succeed. 

Little Noah 5 years ago....Cabo San Lucas--

Lots of love,

Lisa, your friend for life.  Only now, it'll be from a distance. 

Go raise your beautiful little family....

And remember how important you are in the marrow community.

Love you all. 

For life. 

YEEEEEHAWWWWWW------!!!!!!

Gradual.

If there's one thing I've learned about being a mama, it's the inevitable treacherous waters you WILL tread in.  Not sure it ever goes away.  For me, it feels as though I've been put in the ocean with two sets of oars.  One set is wide, with a perfect handle.  While the other set is smaller, thin, with weak handles.

Each time I set out in the treacherous waters, I reach for my wide handled oars.  Sometimes though, I grab for my small oars.  Those small oars really don't offer me much of a pace, and so I kind of just go along in a scurried pace.  Sometimes going in circles. 

As a matter of fact, more times than not, I go in circles.  Fear is my true handicap. Lots of fear. Something I am NOT proud of.  Instead of shifting my worrymode to warriormode.   I clam up and dwell. 

And fret.  

I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Just hand it to God, and pray"

THAT. IS. NOT. EASY.

Just as I can imagine you readers out there rolling your eyes as I post yet a.n.o.t.h.e.r sappy post about this journey, I get it, me too.  

The problem is, it's all too new.  It's all too raw.  

I still watch others in the fight. 

I still support others in groups.

I see shit happen.

WE are never guaranteed. 

Period. 

And so, I thank you for hanging in there with me.

To my homegirls, you girls that reach to me with your fingers gliding through my tangled hair, wiping tears, and hugging me tight.  Your texts' are what will forever get me through the treacherous waters. And I hope I can help you row some day too.

Shell, Kyoko, Roxanne, Maria...you girls....YOU are my rocks.

I love you. 

To my neighbor Erica whom fed me every single morning before I left my house with my warrior stick.  And left food most nights.  

YOU, are my angel on this Earth.

Your purpose is known. 

My sister whom still takes my calls even after I've bitten back.

She listens to me wholeheartedly each and every time. 

Even when I repeat myself. 

Same goes to you my lover who still hears me on repeat and never ever says a word.
To my family that will drop everything and show up when the shit hits the fan.
They are there.

Unless you've walked in a shitty path, you'd not understand just how deep the oars feel like they're digging.  

Sometimes the current slows down, and sometimes, not.  But most always you feel like you're just trying to make things better.  All along, you want to just move forward. 

Getting on with life, per say....

Just like life, there are times I feel as though I have a good grip, while other times, I feel as though I don't.  With that said, during my journey of taking care of my son, I've lost my grip {emotions} more times than I'd like to admit. 

When I say I lost my grip, I truly, whole-heartedly lost all faith. 

Many nights spent up over analyzing percentages. Numbers.  Counts.  Medicine.  Doctors.  Emails. Questions.  Viruses. 

Meanwhile I watch a son out in life navigating through days of which he never deserved.  

I am lucky.  He's here. 

On Friday we headed to good ol' Hollywood to see our beautiful doctor.  The woman that radiates love when she walks into the room.  One of the things I love the most about visiting this place is the comfort of their hugs. Those nurses hand out the love to Kris the minute they see him.  They also have the familiarity of motherhood and just what my smile offers.  It's almost like this motherhood club.  All three women.  Staring at the face of a mom who now just carries her ipad.  Filled with info that took the place of her warrior bag she carried.  With all the notes.

After reviewing his counts, we'd learn they look fantastic.  

My next request, was the Chimerism. Report.  Something I asked for back in January, yet the report hadn't been generated.  The Chimerism Report is how much of the donor is in Kris. How much of Kris is left.  

And you know something?  Sometimes I want to see things, while other times my soul is just a tad bit nervous to know.  But as I sat there staring at my handsome birdie, I thought, Lisa, what the fuck, get these answers. 

And the answer was this.  The minute she read it to me, I melted.  My sweaty underarm gathering clammy goodness in seconds.  Kris and I met eyes and of course as tears welped in my eyes, his words were..."wow, guess I'm just lucky"-

My next questions to our doctor were the percentages our other doctor so freely exclaimed to Kris back in April of last year.  So nonchalantly after being asked by Kris.  "So, what are my chances of living a long normal life Dr. D"--- "Um, I'd say 60% to 60 years"-  

Although those percentages and numbers look and sound pretty hopeful, when you hear any sort of percentages as a parent, you just slide back in your seat and think WHAT THE FUCK. 

Dr. Sahebi says, oh...no, these are good numbers.  He's what we consider full transplant. He's all donor at 98%.  

And on and on she went.  Filling us up with her sweet goodness.

Before leaving, rubbing his shoulders and calling him her son...

He did receive two more vaccinations.  Also noted more GVHD in his mouth. 

(it's where the donor cells fight against any old Kris cells)

The odds are in his favor.  Yes he'll fight through viruses more than other people. Yes, he'll continue on his chemo. Yes, he'll feel like shit some days. Yes, he's trying to rebuild a broken down body. 

Yes I will warrior on with him.  Yes, we will get through the rest of his days.  As the same for me.

For now, and on Friday, the days were just a little brighter.  

I have a GERMAN son.  Danke!

My weekend from there was an uphill love fest.  I woke on Saturday for the gym. From the gym to the nursery. From the nursery to Goodwill.  From Goodwill to Old Navy and Ross.  From those places back to where my heart has always been.  With Mother Earth.  Gardening. 

And you guys.....my heart was so full.  I kept talking to myself.  About thankfulness.

About him. About life.  About gratitude. 

I prayed many prayers of thanks.  I prayed for the peace in those in the fight right now. 

That sometimes life hands you big oars and sometimes life hands you skinny ones. 

Just know....YOU WILL GET TO THE OTHER SIDE.  Keep Faith in front, and keep praying.

My second request from our littlest birdie was to host a little luncheon for her roommates. 

They'd be headed home for spring-break.  

Mama and papa do what we know best....

Fill em with goodness and love. 

Next stop Mammoth for them!  Lucky duckies. 

Meanwhile it's back to the grind for us.  Back to turning the working wheel and pushing fiberglass in the direction we know.  Work hard, play harder has never felt so true.  Or I guess I should say it's what our weekends are all about.  Two days to let your hair down...er, wait.  I mean, slam it up and go enjoy a sunset.  A smile.  And good wine.  

In other bad-ass breaking news, my cousin Mike and my Aunt Susie ran the LA Marathon. 

Just that sentence alone deserves a standing ovation. 

Or in the case of my family, they do signs.  Cardboards signs that are just incredible. 

Worse parade ever is the best sign of all signs.  

LOVE. 

Thanks for standing or sitting or laying here with me.  However you read my blog. 

Thank you.  This journey has been one hellava rollercoaster.  One that I wish to toss the tickets in the trash.  But then again, how selfish does that sound while others lost their tickets.  And never got the chance. 

I just hope the line they stood in wasn't all that bad. 

Either way, just remember this is all a gradual pull, one way or the other. 

Don't give up. 

All my love to you homies.

This Warrior Mama Lisa- Pro Rowing Rower. LOL

Truth.

  

Wise words.  

Seems I hear of more and more families struggling to keep it all together these days.

Friendships.

Broken hearts.

Things lost in translation.


I sent this to both my birdies.

Hope it serves as a reminder for all things in life.

I have been buried this week.  With so much more to accomplish.

Pray for my handsome birdie as we head back to Hollllllllywood tmrw.

To the 8th floor with hopes to hear good news, hug the doctor and nurses with my grateful arms and heart.

Cheers to you Kali, because in exactly 4 hours you'll be walking off that campus and exhaling to your car.  (That text you sent me this week in melt down mode with mid-terms, mixed with words like  "cried", "overwhelmed" "was in library until midnight" "after working an 8 hour shift"--- just made me nod my head.  With pride.  Because you never burst under pressure.  But tis' is true in this life.  You must stumble over heat to feel the breeze...you make me proud baby)

Seems like yesterday we spent the day at orientation....CRAZY!

To Jenny, Jenna, The Jen.....you are almost to the finish line sweet pea!  Your arms look like little emoji flexing muscles.  We can't wait to watch you flex your bod next month.  Twirling in those tall plastic shoes, and inkie-dinkie suit.

 YOU GOT THIS!

Have a safe St. Patricks Day friends!  Remember to  Uber, or hail' a cab!


Kris and I will be holding down the fort on the 101 and the 110 and the 91 and the 405.


May you be blessed, and not so stressed....

This is the picture I set my mind on when I think of brighter days.

Sitting next to my lover, sipping cold water and tossin' back a jager shot.

Just one.

And boom.

Come on Summertime 2017!

This Mama Lisa

Friday's Food For Thought

My heart will always remain wide open for homeless people.  Most especially those with mental illness whom get lost in the shuffle. Homelessness doesn't always happen because of laziness, or drug abuse. Mental illness can play an ugly role.  No advocate to get the proper help, and boom.  They're in the land of the lost.  And of course you have your Veterans out there whom have lost everything for various reasons.  Homeless. 

You have drug addicts and derelicts that stand at the corner with their signs, with the look of desperation.  Only desperate for the next bag of whatever.  

You have the tainted mothers that sit staring at you with children at their feet holding signs. 

So. Much. We. Want. To. Control. And yet, we will never fully grasp just why they are there.

A story of each and every one of them. Their own story.

My point here is I've always believed there is a better life out there for homeless people.  At least for those whom are out there really wanting to try. 

Human nature can easily toss in the towel if genetically, and spiritually brought up different. You know the drill, not willing to give that extra jump in "trying"- Quitting easily because it's what happens sometimes in the cycle of humanity.  

This idea is one of the best I've seen.  Holding those willing to try accountable.  Helping them help themselves. 

Brilliant. 

Now if we can find a way to reach to those with mental illness.  Spreading the right doses of meds when and where the time is right.  

Drug addicts will always and forever be apart of our environment. 

It's praying they somehow, somewhere get help. 

For those trying to "try"-  It's all about dignity. 

To feel needed, wanted and worthy. 

Food For Thought For The Homeless Whom Are Willing.

LOVE

Have a great weekend friends.  

My week in a nutshell-- Had this finally conquered this week.  Much needed, as the grey, frizz and overall well being of my soul was much overdue. #sharkweek #feelingugly #bloated #bitch

Kali decided after two months of not seeing her parents she would make the trek home.  That trek home would snag a hiccup as she was passing Camp Pendleton in Oceanside-she'd call me frantic with those words we'd all dread hearing. "Mom! My tire is completely off the thing and I'm like on metal"-  As her mom gives her the basic girl advice and tells her get the hell off that freeway and don't pull to the side. (BECAUSE I AM FUCKING PARANOID OF GETTING NAILED BY DISTRACTED DRIVERS)

And so I'd coach her off the freeway as she says...oh I think it's the Marines Entrance.  

As she's on the phone with AAA, and the lady is dispatching...a gentleman pulls up in front, comes to her window which she won't open because as she tells him "my mom doesn't want me to talk to anyone or get help I am so sorry"-  As he's in his Marine's fatigues.  He states, "well your mom raised your right, but the guards are right there, and I'll help you, I'm a dad and husband- 

The life lessons in taking the chance and letting this guy help (he actually taught her the whole process, although her dad had at 16) He made her take the lug nuts off, and guided her as through the very process he taught his own daughter.  Soon they'd share a token of gratitude in humanity.  Many thank you's.  And of course his heart was probably incredibly full as he helped this girl.

She'd be back on the road.  Only this time cruising in for a landing at home. 

KINDNESS

HUMANITY

Life lessons. 

Not sure why I can't stop laughing.  Autotopia Bugs Life Comin Atcha!

Have a warmer, love filled weekend.  

Keep your face towards the sun.

Peace out homies.

This Mama Lisa

ps- Kris is feeling much better! Day 5 of two new meds. Finally able to open his mouth to eat!

Lab and doc next Friday! Praying all looks good as always!

Yes, And Yes.

It's hard to keep up with the topic of the day on social media.  One day it's pancake day, while the next might be margarita day.  International women's day rolls through, and this morning while I had the screen of light (ipad) shoved in my face, I thought, well dawgone, jump on the wagon girl. jk.
LOL!

If there is one thing I am proud of, it's being a strong woman.  Also, raising one. 

Not so much the fight to be equal, because my point isn't so.
It's my pride in strength.  Meanwhile flourishing those women around me.

So cheers to you women out there whom make a difference.  You don't have to clock in and out to prove your worthiness.  It's the countless hours you've walked this Earth.  Providing.  Loving. Nurturing. Cooking.  Working. Preparing. Worrying. Nursing. Gardening. Helping. Teaching. 

It's because of you. 

Happy Wednesday friends!

I hope your health is good, and your heart feels full.  

This Mama Lisa

Tuesdays Reminder

The thickness of the week hit me yesterday afternoon. Monday.  As usual in this life, you navigate through what life hands you. Sometimes it's messy, and sometimes it's not.  As such is true with all of us. Right? You put one foot in front of the other and you push through.

Winning.

Losing.

Hurting.

Loving.

Laughing.

Working.

Failing.

Following.

Leading.

How was your weekend kids?  

Mine started with these beauties.....

Thank you Bill. I love you.  

My birdie is fighting through yet another bad cold.  The same strain he's fought through 3 other times.  Only this time around his doctors mentioned it looks like it could be "The Mumps"-sending in more meds to help him recover.  Keep in mind, what most of all have been vaccinated for, others can't.  And so while he tries to get back into the mainstream line of life, he's confronted with many many obstacles.  Viruses. Setbacks. Push forwards (side jobs to live and pay his own bills-you know self sufficient as a man), and of course you land back at the pharmacy (a place your mom frets you be in) with more additions to the long list of meds your body absorbs on the daily.  The many texts from your mom filled with reminders and of course the never ending nagging for hydration, eating enough, etc...etc...it.is.never.ending.

 When he turns "2" he'll be vaccinated for MMR, and Chicken Pox.  

I can't begin to tell you the many "suggestions" from others about keeping him down, and in.

A gentle reminder to you all, unless you walk his/our path, you'd never know the road he's on.

A little history on the mumps (it's a painful jaw, with mild fever, and fatigue symptoms) -

So for all the "natural" people out there that have decided they aren't going to vaccinate their kids because of their newest findings. Remember the people that are in this category that can't. 

Also keep in mind that if you put yourself in his shoes, or his home, or his wallet, you'd be prompted to want to feel better, and get back in the mainstream of life.

So this week, yesterday afternoon to be exact....was a little setback.  For me. 

I was on the happy trail working my tail away, until that text, and call.

Instantly, I think..fuck. FUCK.

For him, he'll always smile.  He'll always send you a kind text back.

He'll smile through puking every morning.  Because chemo still isn't loved by his body.  Yet so needed for keeping him alive. 

I hope you all have a great week.  For me, I'm focused. 

Again.  On life. 

On healing.  On praying. On sleep. On my son.

Toss in working, and pushing through to survive in the fiberglass jungle.

Hustle every day, all day....wrestle with sheets all night every night--LOL.

Happy Birthday cousin Monica! ( couldn't find a recent picture..and so...) 

Happy Birthday Grant!  

We love you both so much!

May the love of life be in your favor. 

God Bless you friends and family....

This Mama Lisa

The Sweetest.

I'm a sucker for proposals.  This guy went far and beyond.  It's kind of long, so pull up a chair and relax.  And grab a tissue.  

For you guys and gals out there.....go big, if and when it's time.  I don't think you'll ever regret it. 

And feed that love for years and years to come.  Never stop surprising one another.  It goes both ways. 

Remember love notes. 

Remember dates. 

Remember compliments.

Remember apologies, even if you feel right.  

Remember the grass isn't always greener on the otherside, that's why you must water your own.

Relationships are work. Lots and lots of work.  

Happy weekend to you all...

The sweetest proposal....

--LIFE IS NOT FOREVER, LOVE IS--

Love, and peace to you-

This Mama Lisa

When You Wake From A Dream

I'm not sure what triggered me to have such a vivid dream last night. But it was one of those dreams that you are woken from.  It was 1am.  

I was on a playground watching Kris swing from the bars, from one to the next.  It was so clear.  He had his little bowl hair cut.  Shiny from the sun kissed highlights.  He was asking me to "watch" over and over. His little legs working so hard to push his momentum back and forth. The dream was so so clear.  This particular mommy-me class we took will forever be indebted in my heart.  I was so young, and had met some of the nicest mommies from all over Bellflower. These moms would include me with ideas, cooking, crafting, and of course the task of raising a toddler.  Kris would love the graham cracker snack breaks but his biggest love was that playground.  In last nights dream I could smell the grass, I could hear his little chuckle so clear as I made my way around to attend to the little ones.  Don't you wonder where dreams come from?  Good and bad, how do our dreams stash into the corners of our brains....

I woke from the dream and sorted again.  Just as I always do.  Only this time I added prayer in the mix.

I tried to find some preschool pictures of my baby in digital, but no-can-do.....

And so....you get the picture...right?

One day you're sitting track side cheering on.....the next you navigate through chapters you'd never expect.... 

One of her favorite past times in Camp Fire Girls, "Caroling"- (not sure if any of you are aware, but Kali can sing....super good!)  

 Don't blink.....

 One of the 4 times she wore a cast.....  #tomboy

 Toothless, smelly, busy boy fishing with his papa and dad.  

Kali and her bestfriends made this diary.  One they promised to hide in strict confidentiality.  It lasted a month.  I still have this book.  Its contents are "maid of honor" speech worthy for one day....Oh Mac Dut and Maddie you just wait....

Realizing my hormones will rear their silly heads the next couple of weeks, I can only expect more nights of wrestling with my sheets.  I also currently wrestle 4 pillows.  You guys, I know, I'm nuts.

It truly floored me to think just how fast time flies by.  I stare intently at acquaintances through social media as they raise their babies.  Friends of Kris' now raising their own little tribe. Staring at the face of the newborn, toddler and tween.  Thoughts flood my heart as I think.....man, what a life ahead. The chapter pages that will fill up.  The good moments. Learning. Thriving.

When the nights of trying to figure out a nursing schedule, or blistered boobs as we'd try to get a schedule. It too blends into a faded memory.  It won't be until later in your life that you will look back and so perfectly remember those sleepless red eyed mornings. The milky smell of their little necks. Changing their bedding because what a night you just had.

Those nights turn into elementary days when the thought of meeting a new teacher overwhelms the entire house.  The mean friend on the playground that everyone wants to be friends with, and yet you prepare dinner and think to yourself "don't follow that path, you can make other friends", but the pressure of peer-hood naturally saturates them.

Highschool comes and love falls into the mix.  You'd all fall in love with whomever they fell in love with.

The many sports victories would shine each evening or afternoon if it was a win.  If it wasn't, well the ride home was a quiet one.  Closing up for the night was a tad more pickled.  The son that had tons of friends. Those said friends would line your porch and couch, sometimes alarming nosey neighbors.

It isn't until now where I wake from a dream, laying there in the wee hours of the next day where I am flooded with where those chapters went. Was I a good mom?  Did I provide the way I was supposed to?  I should have made them work harder in certain areas.  Should I have made them serve the community more?  Should I, should I, should I ......

I feel a healing in my soul just a tad bit more this month. Each month I stare at the calendar for the 13th.  Reminder of another month we can mark off.  He's alive.

That little toddler that I watched over and over. The little toddler that I watched last night in my dream.  It was so so real.  The little blue shorts, and his white tshirt.  He was my everything, as I was his.

Life has a funny way of bringing dreams to you.  For me, I'd like to believe it's a good sign.

To you friends and family raising little ones, remember one thing.  Today is a moment.  You can't get it back.

Put your phone down. Smell their freshly washed hair.  Hug their little bodies.  Bite your lip in the tween stage, and just keep encouraging them.  One day you might wake from a dream and these days in front of you are a far distant memory.

Try and make em good.

Even if those car rides home are quiet.  Or the attitudes are flying.  They all just pass.

Kris and Kali, I love you.

And I'm still "watchin"----

I always will.

This Mama Lisa

Grateful for dreams......

Happy Birthday to my brother WAYNE!  Boom another year!  I love you, we love you!!